29 Today

Happy birthday to me!  I get to spend my day at a teacher's job fair and finishing writing up my lesson plans for the unit I taught at my junior high!  Oh, and that should be followed up with shrimp scampi and cake.  

It's all about the cake.

It's nice not having to worry about teaching right now, but I must say that my brain -- which was fully occupied with teaching before -- has once again become soft.  It allows me to reflect on the easier and nicer things in life, such as movies.  For the first time since... December(?) Alex and I went and saw a movie, The Watchmen.  I didn't have very high expectations of it, but I really enjoyed it.  A bit of a warning though, the blue guy is naked through a good deal of the movie.  It bothered Alex, but I barely noticed it.  I guess I figure a penis is a penis, naked and bright blue or not.

This week has started off on a bit of a poopy note.  I went for my prenatal visit yesterday and my doctor (who, you should know, I think is awesome) told me I'm not measuring "big enough" and I haven't been gaining "enough weight."  I am 31 weeks pregnant and should be measuring around 31 centimeters from pubis to fundus (the top of the uterus), but I'm only measuring 28 centimeters.  I started my pregnancy at 110 lbs and am currently 128 lbs -- which is the same as it was four weeks ago.  So, she wants me to go in for an ultrasound to make sure Brian (the fetus) is growing the way he's supposed to.

Is it strange that I kind of hate going in for ultrasounds?  They have this negative connotation for me (I had four at the very beginning of this pregnancy, and one very bad one last year).  

However, Brian's heartbeat is strong and he moves around like a freakish squid.  Seriously.  Oh, and he's had hiccups all morning, that's been a joy.

As far as pictures of the belly goes -- you see, I look "cute" (read dressed) for about ten minutes after getting home, and then my cute clothes come off to be replaced with comfortable clothes that don't restrict my movements (waddly though they may be).  So, I have good intentions, I just haven't stayed "dressed" long enough to do it.  Soon, though, soon.

One. More. Day.

Today is my last day of Junior High. I have spent ten weeks waking up at 5:30 AM and teaching/managing/wrangling 14-15 year-old ninth graders.

I feel a combination of relieved and anxious? Weird, isn't it. I get a few days off and then I have to start really applying for jobs in an economy that sounds like a drowning victim. Joy.

I think I might try to make it out of the house and see a movie this weekend, I think ending student teaching should free up enough brain space to make that fun.

Oh, and I'm turning 29 next week. I can't wait for the cake.

Insert Evil Laugh Here...

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!

Not that the last six weeks haven't been an enriching experience. I mean, standing in somebody else's classroom, teaching their students, trying to continue teaching the lessons they would prefer me to do -- all of those things helped make this a memorable and valuable experience. I do have to say that the fact my mentor is NOT looking forward to having her classes back does make me smile. She observed one of the easier classes earlier this week and then jumped all over me for my lack of control over them.

(In the students defense, they're not usually that bad, but I am far more lenient on them then I am other class periods because the class doesn't have nearly as many students as other periods... whatever.)

I wanted to tell her that the way she controls her classes -- through condescending comments and somewhat manipulative language -- makes a lot of her students hate her. The A students love her, and she loves them, but she can be mean to those that don't fit into her definition of what is "the right kind of student."

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I love the weird kids who may or may not be failing. I was a weird kid, so I guess there's some sort of camaraderie there.

Sorry, I don't mean to vent. I'm just so excited to put an end to this strange charade they call student teaching. Now I get to start on looking for a job and interviewing with school districts.

I don't want to. I'm tired and I want to spend a full week watching old episodes of Angel. I love you Joss Whedon.

Hopefully, getting all of my brain power back will help me focus more on the fetus (Brian) that has made me large and wobbly. I'm running out of clothes to wear to school, and I'm looking forward to not having to worry about what bra I wear. I think I may just start leaving those evil things at home... if my boobs can handle the freedom.

I measured my belly around its largest part last night -- 37 inches. Yup. I'm hungry all of the time, I eat all of the time, and I think most of it is going to Brian, who should be about 3 pounds now.

Okay, I'm done. Go back to your daily routine. I have to write a resume now... that's two days late...

The light...

Four more days of teaching! Two more weeks at my Jr. High! I can see the light at the end of the freaking tunnel!

Okay, that's enough with the exclamation points... I sort of hate those things.

I haven't updated in a while, mainly because I've got pregnant brain AND I'm student teaching -- which doesn't make for a good mix. Brian is fine, he's just kicking away and keeping me up at night. The cats still like to sleep on him. Although, I think Opal gets confused and upset when she tries to lie on my belly and he kicks her. It's like she can't imagine why anyone would want to hurt her so.

My husband is awesome and finally finished our basement. What was covered in 60's orange carpet and unfinished walls has turned into one of the most comfortable area's in the house. It got new commercial nylon carpet (come on, with three animals and a baby, we had to go with the hardy stuff), and Alex finished mudding/sanding/building the walls. And then it all got painted -- well, except for our awesome wood paneling. I know that confuses some, but it has a nice warm glow and it really has grown on us over the last four years. So it stays.

I spent my weekend sending more old crap to the D.I. That makes two trips in the last three weeks. Two trips where the CRV was stuffed full of old stuff that hopefully somebody else wants. I find it very creepy to go through old things and realize that all the reasons for keeping it are stupid, and that I really just have to let it go. I had four pairs of my dad's Levi's I didn't want to let go of -- I never wore them, I just wanted to keep them. I finally had to tell myself that he would be so PLEASED to know I got rid of them, he really doesn't like it when I wear his old pants... not like they'd fit now anyway.

Okay, I will try to post a picture of my roundness soon. I keep meaning to, but once again, I will blame student teaching and my pregnant brain.

TWO WEEKS!

Back from the BRAIN DEAD

I am five weeks into student teaching -- only FIVE more to go!  Oh my god I can barely contain myself.  You may be wondering why it's been so long since you've heard from me... well, you see, when you spend all day with 14 year olds (who my adviser says are "all assholes at this age") when you get home, you're brain is literally DEAD.  

I get home around four or so and just sit for two hours.  I can't think about anything, I can't talk about anything.  I have friends and family that I haven't called because, quite frankly, I don't have the attention span for a conversation.  I do think about it (Jen, Min), but then I decide to turn the TV on and see if I have anything on the DVR.  Something that won't bother to teach me anything, or make me think.  

I think I've got another three weeks to go until I'm done teaching, then I need to start phasing my mentor teacher back into the class room.  Some students asked me when this will happen and then groaned when I told them -- they like me better... Alex tells me they're just "kissing ass" and probably don't care that much.  Who knows.

Okay, so, doll hair.  This is what I did on one of the experimental heads:

I used felt.  She has bangs now too, but to post that here would require me to take more photo's, and (quite frankly) that's just not going to happen right now.  

You know all those doll parts I've been showing you for MONTHS?  Well, I finally put her together, but she's naked and I'm working on some clothes for her now.  Maybe you'll see the results in a few weeks.  Who knows.  I'm pretty pleased with it though.  

You see, I have accomplished something.  It just has nothing to do with my masters degree or student teaching... Hmm.

  

Stress Relief

You know, in my non-pregnant days, when I was stressed I would sit back and drink a beer... or two.  But now, because I am forced to take into consideration my 24-week-old fetus I can't partake of the sweet brewed nectar.  Instead I eat a candy bar or imbibe a BigGulp.  

Unfortunately, although these are delicious things, they do not relieve me of my overwhelming stress and anxiety.  I'm teaching tomorrow and I'm trying to write up next weeks lesson plans and I am going to EXPLODE.  I can feel that I'm on the edge of a full blown anxiety attack, and I don't really know what to do about it.

I know, you're saying, "Get back to work, yo.  Finish your lesson plans and get it over with."

Well, yeah.  Duh.  However, my mentor teacher threw me some curve balls this last week, like how she thinks it's important that I include grammar lessons.  Yes, I am going to be an English teacher, but I HATE grammar.  My mother-in-law tried explaining some grammar foundations to me yesterday and I just stared at her in blank horror.  I had to tell her twice that I had no idea what she had just said.  Something with the phrase "nominative predicate," whatever that is.

Ugh.  So, I would really love to have a beer right now, but for Brian I won't.  He does love the candy bar's and BigGulp's, he kicks/punches/moves like squid after I pig out.  Poor kid, I'm probably setting him up to be an obese child.  I've been watching too many programs on TLC titled "Half-Ton Teen."  Believe me, any program dealing with really fat people, Alex and I record it and watch it... invariably when we're eating dinner in front of the TV.  

Puh.  Okay, back to trying to be optimistic with my week.  Have a good day, if you can.

I am Sick

Booger. I don't get sick very often (other than the three months spent with that AWESOME morning sickness). So, when I do I kind of turn into this whiney mess of a person who can't quite comprehend what's going on.

How did I get sick? What is this aching feeling in my legs? Why on EARTH do my ears feel like bees live in there, and my throat like cavern of burning spikes? Damnit.

I can only attribute this to how long and exhausting my first week of student teaching was. I came home Monday night and took a two hour nap. A nap that, unfortunately, did not satiate my need for sleep. I didn't really sleep through the whole night until Thursday, so I was sort of discombobulated and confused any time I was not in the Jr. High. Somehow, my brain managed to keep my senses in fantastic shape whilst working, then I would come home and go utterly brainless.

Friday night Alex and I watched Princess Mononoke. What a great movie. Then I think we were both in bed and asleep before ten. Remember the days of staying up until 2 AM because, why not? What else is on TV? Now I'm so tired I fall asleep on the couch before nine o'clock rolls around.

So, I'm sure due to my exhausting week, I'm sick with what could turn into laryngitis. Which is what happens to my voice when I get this kind of sick. It's not really conducive to teaching, but I'm only observing this next week. I did teach four or so classes last week... and they do have a microphone ...

Booger. I hate being sick. Any other student teachers finding yourselves in the same predicament?

HEADS!

When it comes to creating something, I deliberate like crazy.  I finished making more heads for the doll clear back in November, but then I had to figure out how to do the faces.  Paint?  Draw?  Leave blank?  Make silly/ugly?  Finally, after drawing one face (which I really wasn't crazy about) I decided to tackle embroidery, just to see if it looked right.  Amazingly enough it did, so this is what I did over Christmas break:

You can see the drawn face in front -- doesn't it look too "sweet?"  Yuck.  Then my first embroidered face is in the back with the blue eyes. It turned out so nicely that I moved on to practice on the face on the left, with the strange yellow eyebrows. 

Hey, I only had crochet string to work with at that point, so I didn't have many color choices.

What did I learn from that one?  Well, pink is a far too light of color to try to make a face with-- it looks sort of too "I lack pigment in my skin, therefore you can barely see my features."  Her mouth is funny too, but for practice sake it's not horrible.  

Finally, the head I will actually be using for the doll is on the right.  I really like how it's turning out... except now it needs a mouth and I'm not sure how to tackle it.  I should just bite the bullet and do it.  Booger.

Next post will be on hair for the head.  The one I've done has turned out pretty nicely, so that makes me happy.  Joy.

Snow Walkin'

My husband, Alex, likes to make me go walking.  He insists that it helps to keep me "fit" and is good for "Brian."  I generally go along with this, as it gives us time to talk, and gives us the added bonus of helping our dog, Stella, be less of a freak at home.

She's the kind of dog who will stare at you, paw at you, wet-nose you, until you finally throw up your hands and say, "Fine!  I will take you on a walk!"

We do torture her by making her wear sweaters, which she despises.  However, on this particular day it was somewhere around 20 degrees, and since she's practically furless we didn't give her much of a choice.  HA!  If you make the photo bigger you will see it's a chicken sweater that Alex made.  He is quite talented at the sewing machine.

Next post will be about DOLL HEADS!  Oh the gore!

Ugh

I start my ten weeks of student teaching tomorrow. I won't actually start "teaching" for another two weeks or so, but I am so nervous about going in. I've never observed my new mentor, Mrs. G, so I guess I'm unsure of what to expect.

I know I should go to bed right now to wake up at 5:30 AM or so, but I don't think I can sleep. Booger. But, anyway, Jen tagged me a while back to "post the fourth picture in your fourth file."

Drum roll please, here it is: The two banana (or whatever) slugs we found in our tomato's last year. Little bastards.

Hello

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel large? Like a bass that ate too much and somehow managed to flip yourself out of your favorite spot in the river, and now lie on the river bank unsuccessfully gulping for air?

I sort of feel like that today. Large and tired. I'm sure being 20 weeks pregnant doesn't help anything either. I need better pants that let it all hang out -- my current pants kind of hold me in. Makes it a tad difficult to breath. Or overeat.

Anyway, more doll updates soon. I finally have a head that works, and I'm experimenting with embroidering the face. It has worked pretty well on two of the heads that didn't work for the doll -- so they're kind of this decapitated doll head with a bit of a cheery/smirking face. They don't understand that they're missing bodies. Silly stupid doll heads.

More later.

Later.

Goodbyes

My grandmother's funeral was last Thursday, and I was given the opportunity to speak.  Here is my goodbye letter:

Dear Grandma,

I have learned so many things from you throughout my life. When I was little you had patience enough to teach me to crochet, and since then I’ve used the skill to make blankets, toys and doll clothes. I love telling people my grandma taught me, and have to apologize when they ask me to teach them, because I don’t have your patience to sit and show them how. Yet, from watching your example I have always tried to be patient when it’s truly needed. I listen to friends and family with patience, I love with patience, and I learn with patience.

You have always been there for me, with kindness and love in your heart. I could visit you from a long week at university and immediately fall asleep on your couch, because I knew I could lay my burden down. Being in your presence has always allowed me to relax, to shed whatever worries drowning me. All I would need is a look from you to know that everything would be all right. You posses this overwhelming power of understanding, so easily expressed in your eyes, a hug, a touch from your hand. It’s like standing in sunshine.

You faced many challenges and tragedies, but you had sense enough not let them drag you down and own you. Whenever I face something emotionally difficult I think of your strength. If you could live 89 years with joy and forgiveness, I can follow your example and do my best to love and accept all people, and to strongly bear any burden life or God throws my way.
You also taught me your biting sense of humor. It’s always best to laugh when things are hard, or when they’re easy, or to laugh always. The only thing that really matters is to look good while doing it. I still struggle with it today, but having observed your style and the pride you put into your appearance, I dress to impress you.

Thank you so much for supporting me and being my best friend. I don’t want to say goodbye, because I know you will be near in spirit. You will be with me, locked safely in my heart and in my memories. As promised, my children will learn of you and you, and we will continue to celebrate your life and all you have taught me. I will treasure you all my life.

Grandma

Genevieve Hegsted Twitchell Wayment

OGDEN –Genevieve (Gen) Hegsted Wayment born May 14, 1919 in Joseph, Oregon, died at her home in Ogden with her husband and family at her side November 28, 2008.

As a little girl Gen moved with her prospector father and family from Joseph, to Lewiston, Idaho to Quincy, California then to Ogden which she loved.

Gen was married to Ernest Twitchell from 1936 to his death in 1968 and was married to Rollo Wayment from 1983 till her death, two wonderful marriages in one beautiful lifetime.

Except for some colorful years living in a sheep camp or on railroad sections in Lucin and Lakeside Utah, her married years were spent in the same lovely and charming Ogden neighborhood.

Friend, Wife, Sister, Mom, Aunt and Grandma, Gen was a poem of womanhood, old school tough as nails and loving, tender and spiritual in all her thoughts, ways and actions.

Gen, one of our best examples of the greatest generation, forged in the great depression, case hardened by conditions we cannot imagine, lived her life in every measure at a level above and beyond our common understanding of duty and devotion, whether caring for members of a large extended family, tending a dying aunt or brother, donating to the needy, or thrilling at the site of a quail in the front yard.

Gen worked in canning factories, in several of Ogden’s stores, in the hospital as a nurse’s aid, and at HAFB from which she retired in 1985.

Consider yourself fortunate if you knew Gen, or someone like her, because they enrich your life.

Preceding Gen in her death are her first husband Ernest Twitchell, a great-grandson, Cort Elliott and her brothers and sisters Marie, Kenneth, Josephine, Neilsena, Keith, Carl and Melvin.

Surviving are Gen’s husband Rollo Wayment, sister Lorraine Garcia, daughter Tamara Twitchell and her daughters Amber and Tiffany, son Roger Twitchell and his wife Kara, their daughters Marty Elliott and husband Chris, and Carley Reynolds and husband Alex. Marty is the mother of Gen’s great grandson Wyatt (4yrs old) and is pregnant with Gen’s great-grand twins; Carley is pregnant with Gen’s next great-grandchild and by late spring Gen will have four great-grandchildren on the Twitchell side. Rollo is blessed to have five surviving children who have also been Gen’s children for the past 25 years, Steve Wayment and his wife Noreen, Dave Wayment and his wife Jillene, Bryan Wayment and his wife Linda, Lynnette and her husband Sheldon Harris and Craig Wayment. Rollo’s children are blessed with many children, grand children and great grandchildren.

Funeral services will be held Thursday, December 4, 2008 at 11:00 a.m. at Myers Mortuary, 845 Washington Blvd. in Ogden. Friends may call at Myers Mortuary on Wednesday, December 3rd from 6 to 8 p.m. and on Thursday from 10 to 10:45 a.m.

In lieu of flowers please donate to the Humane Society, 4242 South 300 West Murray, UT 84107, www.utahhumane.org. Adopt a pet, or feed the birds this winter.

Internment, Ogden City Cemetery.

Tagged, yo

Mindy tagged me for this one word thing, but I'm a bit of a rambler so we'll see just how well I do with that.

Where is your cell phone: desk

Where is your significant other: Work

Your hair color: Blonde

Your mother: caring

Your father: musical

Your favorite thing: Brian/fetus

Your dream last night: strange

Your goal: teach

The room you're in: office/pinball/sewing room

Your hobby: procrastination

Your fear: failure

Where do you want to be in 6 years: teaching

Where were you last night: couch

What you're not: tan

One of your wish list items: life

Where you grew up: Utah/California/Nevada/Idaho

Last thing you ate: chai

What are you wearing: pajamas

Your TV: big

Your pet: sleeping

Your computer: black

Your mood: relaxed

Missing someone: yes

Your car: Jetta

Something you're not wearing: socks

Favorite store: Night Flight

Your summer: fast

Love someone: duh

Favorite color: all

When was the last time you laughed: an hour or so ago

When was the last time you cried: Friday

And TAG: Lianna, Starlynn, & Jessica

Pregnancy: 15 1/2 weeks and counting...

So I woke up at three AM last night and couldn't fall back to sleep.  I originally woke up because the warning bells of "if you don't pee now you'll poison yourself" went off, and when I laid back down I realized I was starving.  STARVING!  At freaking three in the morning.  I tried to just fall back to sleep, mainly because I've never been one of those who can get out of bed and make herself a sandwich...

But I noticed that my cat, Mael, was shivering on my pillow.  I stared at him for about twenty minutes, his giant gold eyes staring back.  Shivering.  My dog kept sticking her head out of the covers and looking at me, so I took her outside so she could pee.  Got back in bed and was so hungry (like starvin' Marvin) that I had to go to the fridge and eat two fat green olives.  I inhaled them.  And, yes, they are a large part of my diet -- the green italian olive stuffed with various whatnot allows me to curb a weird salty craving I've been having.  

I bought the big jars at Costco last week, and one of them is almost gone.  

My favorite part of the olive is that after I eat a few I want a cookie, or something sweet.  Then when I burp it tastes like vanilla ice cream.  It's sort of creepy.  Yet delicious.

The most annoying thing about being pregnant, thus far, is that anything can give me gas.  Something as innocent as water can make me burp for twenty minutes.  Or worse, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.  

At least the morning sickness is mainly gone -- after this next week it's supposed to be absolutely gone, but who knows.  Out of all the pregnant women I know mine has been the worst.  This is most telling when they say, "What, you actually puked?"  Yes, and there were some days when I would puke twice.  Thank god for nausea medication -- I only lost four pounds due to being sick.  It was much worse last time, but maybe more on that next time.  But at my last doctor's appointment I had gained five pounds -- so overall I'm up one pound.  Woo-hoo pregnancy weight.

One more thing, we watched I am Legend last night.  I really liked it, which surprised me.  But, how can you not like Will Smith?  Come on.  He's attractive AND talented.

Laziness

When I'm not in the "fragile state" of being pregnant I'm pretty good at organizing my thoughts and getting things done.  With Brian, I'm altogether a moron.  I know there are things I should be accomplishing (oh, I don't know, homework, cleaning, finishing that freaking doll) but instead I lay on the couch in my basement and watch TV.  Evil TV.  I know that as soon as I turn that damned thing on I'm stuck, but I still manage to sneak down there on a daily basis and come up with same lame excuse that lets me turn it on.

"Look, I'll only watch Weird Science and then I'll turn it off and start writing my English method papers."

The movie ends (which is more sexist, racist, and awful than I had remembered it... that John Hughes was messed up... also there was a strange mix of homoeroticism, with the young boy characters sitting around without their shirts on, and wearing women's underpants) and then I thought, I can watch the last thirty minutes of this mummy movie on SciFi, this could be interesting.  NO!  IT'S NOT!  

To say the least I never got around to starting my assignments last night.  Even now, as I type this post, I know I am procrastinating.  I would like to think that I'm burned out.  There are only three or so weeks left of school, and I'm kind of done.  But, mainly, it's this laziness that has kindly draped itself over my eyes and made me apathetic.  

Oh, I also took two PRAXIS exams over the weekend.  This is the test that lets you have your teaching endorsement in a certain area, like English and Biology.  I didn't study.  I spent 10 of the last 14 weeks being incapable of thinking or eating (due to Brian), and never took the time to study.

Bleh.  Are you sick of listening to me yet?  I am...  Okay, I've go to read about how to help teens read and write, then write two 2-page papers on it.  I don't want to go to class today.  But that's my fault, not Brian's (though I will continue to point the finger at him... it's easier that way.)

Fun with Fetus'

This image was created by Dylan Meconis.  This is definitely how I feel about Brian -- I mean, it's great having a fetus.  I'm at 12 weeks now, so the morning sickness (which is more of a nightly thing lately) is supposed to start becoming less of a problem.  

Last night Halloween was a bit of bust.  We had 7 trick-or-treaters.  Oh, you heard right, 7.  Last year we had something like 60.  We figure the trunk-or-treat going on at the church up the street killed the fun for the night.  We even dressed up!  We forgot to take pictures, but I was a skeleton zombie and Alex was creeping death.  I mean, we had masks and everything, and freaking Utah parents decided to kill Halloween by carting their fat kids from trunk to trunk in a parking lot.  Halloween is about WALKING house to house and asking strangers for candy!  It's kind of scary!  But mostly it's fun!  But, oh no, parents around here....  I'm so mad about it.  I bought 10 lbs of candy to give out, and now I'll have to take half of it back to Costco today to return it.  Boo!  Alex and I decided our kids will definitely go out for candy, and they can eat it until their sick.  Because that's what Halloween is about.

Plus, you see, I grew up in tiny Rigby, Idaho.  There were many Halloweens where we would trek through the SNOW, our costumes mostly obliterated by warm coats and shoes, to get candy. Now, If I had fun trick-or-treating in 20-30 degree weather, other kids would have loved last night when it was 70 degrees and warm.  Utah parents are such weenies.  

Boobs

My. Boobs. Are. Huge.  But, I don't want to wear bras... which seems kind of illogical, right?  I just feel like the bra straps them in and makes them more sore and uncomfortable than they were before.  It's like trying to contain two small watermelons in small plastic cups.  The melons can't be contained!  They must roam free!  But then there are other issues with going braless in public with such "hooters," but I won't go into detail because I can only imagine who I would make uncomfortable.  Basically, before pregnancy my boobs were sweet kittens, content to stay out of sight and out of mind.  But, now, they prefer the spotlight and will do practically anything to gain it.

Therefore, I wear very thick and oversized sweaters.

Ugh

I have grown increasingly lazy, tired, and a bit grumpy.  I think about doing stuff, but then feel overwhelmed by what has to go into the stuff to get it done.  Hey, I was really pleased with myself this last Saturday when I finally laundered my whites... clean socks!

I do have a ton of homework I should be doing/reading.  Yet, I put that off until the last minute because I don't understand it until three hours before it's due.  I'm a grad student, a very sad, pathetic grad student.  I went to observe in a Jr. High on Friday, that was fun.  It's a little weird, because some of the kids (8th grade, I think) didn't understand that writing a letter is not the same as texting a friend.  You really cant write, "hey u i like ppl & go to ur scool."  I had to remind several that it's a good idea to write out your words when writing a letter to the principal about cell phones.

I nap all the time.  I don't have a job anymore so it's really easy to make excuses as to why I can put off homework until later.  I have a bunch of stuff due today, and I've only kind of sort of started on it.  

I do have a relatively good excuse though... I'm nine weeks pregnant.  I'm sick most of the time and my attention span can't make it through an episode of The Office.  I'm hungry, but I don't actually want to eat anything.  My favorite thing right now?  Hot water with half a lemon and a spoonful of sugar.  And licorice nibs.  Cereal is okay, but for some reason I puked that up last night.  Booger.

Okay, back to my lesson plan.  Have a good day.

No progress

I have made no progress on the doll.  The head I originally made is too small, and trying to come up with new one has been stalled because my hands ache and I haven't been able to pull my head out of this book: Bone,

It's very enthralling.  I've been trying to make myself pause long enough to get homework done, you know, for that masters degree I'm pursuing... But, when you're only 300 pages (because it's a 1,300 page behemoth) from the end, it's really hard to stop reading.  And I have two projects due soon.  Hmm, oh well.  

I have been making hats.  The first one is a pattern I made up in a moment of sweet clarity, and one that Alex said, "Are you really going to wear that out of the house?"  The answer is yes, as some of you may have already seen it.  Okay.  There's your update.

Watch this

You may or may not have ever heard of Chris Ware, an artist who created Jimmy Corrigan: Smartest Kid in the World (which is a fantastic and appallingly brilliant graphic novel). Well, whilst trying to find out more about Chris Ware I found this cartoon he animated for This American Life.

It's about kids, a playground, and the video cameras they made. It's slightly disturbing. I strongly recommend you click here which will take you to the video so you can watch it... because, I am not tech-savvy enough to put it here for you...

Dude.

POST UPDATED -- Click HERE for the link to the video

Disturbing Head

I tried messing with the head tonight, to see if I could get it to work the way I wanted it to.  I had thought I made it too small for the body... and I really did.  I figured I should needle sculpt it anyway, get some more experience making a face look like a face.  I drew on it with the awesome blue marker... but it looks so skewed and funky, not to mention too long in the wrong direction.  It's not wide enough either.  I'm in between being irritated with it, and accepting of the fact that the first head pattern I designed simply didn't work out.  It's okay, really.  So, now I'll probably have a doll head laying around until I make a better body for it later.  It's even funnier looking on the body, but that will be the next post since blogger doesn't seem to want to work with me tonight.  Poop.

Doll Arms, Doll Legs

On the right is the muslin as it originally came out of its tea-bath, and on the left is the arm turned right-side-out. It's three (?) shades lighter turned out, and I first I wasn't sure if I liked it -- but with everything stuffed it really doesn't look that bad.

The torso, arms, and legs all turned out fabulously. It's one of the first times I've designed a pattern and had it turn out the way I wanted it to. The torso shoulders are a bit pointy, but they may work out just fine once I've got the arms attached.


I sewed the knees for "joints." I was going to do it on the sewing machine -- yet that is somehow too complicated for my head to understand... So I sewed them by hand. I know, it takes longer but I had total control of where the stitches went.

I plan on tying the elbows by wrapping a string or something around them to create a joint. I'm not quite sure how it will look. But I didn't want to stitch the joint there too. It just seemed like too much.

The head pattern could use some work. It came out a bit too flat, so the face looks long and thin. It looks fine on the doll, but I'm going to take some time this next week and make a few head patterns, make them, and see what works out better. I think the nose worked out well. I want really big noses on my dolls, it just feels like it gives them more personality. I kind of have a big nose, so I definitely have an affinity to pass that bit on to the stuff I make. That just sounds strange.

Hopefully I'll have this put together by the end of the week. It may take longer since I want to try out different heads... Who knows, you'll just have to check back, yo.

Questions

Part of me really wants to hang this in my future classroom, the other part tells me that would be a very stupid thing to do. I'm torn. What do you think? Would high schoolers find this funny or offensive? And how much time should I spend caring about their "feelings"?

Progress: Warning Detailed crafting info follows...

Progress made! I've never used one of those markers that you can wash away with water, but it was awesome. I prefer to trace patterns directly onto the material I'm using (usually muslin) so that as I'm sewing I can follow it exactly. Otherwise I'm all over the place and it doesn't look the way I want it to.

In the past I've used color pencils or regular pencils, which (of course) always left anger-inducing stains on the fabric -- which is part of the reason I usually paint it after it's stuffed.
This time, I just ran the pieces under water and the blue line disappeared! I'm such a moron for not using it earlier, as many of crafters I follow use it. I'm just a slow learner.

After rinsing the blue marker away I deliberated on what to do about the color. Plain muslin is great to work with, but makes for a pasty sad-looking doll. Believe me, I have one, and it makes me gag with disgust everytime I look at it. I had tea-dyed an earlier tiny doll I did with chai. It made it smell really good, and the color turned out great. I used it on a larger doll too (which I'll try to post photo's of later) but ended up painting it ... long story. I'm sure it's too boring to tell you about now.



Anyway, I went the tea route again. I used 3 English tea bags and soaked the pieces in it all day. Now they're hanging up in my bathroom to dry. I'll iron them tomorrow to try to lock in the tea "stain" and then I'll stuff it all. I'm thinking I should have those photo's up later this week. And maybe my post will be more interesting then...

Slowly, maybe surely

I have been wanting to make my own doll pattern for quite a while. I doodled something (because I don't draw, not well anyway) in class a couple months ago that I really liked and figured I would go after it.

I drew up the body, messed around with my sweet new compass, and then hesitated on the rest of it for a long time (read months). This is the head to the left. I literally had to talk myself into cutting the pieces apart today because I really like the design and didn't want to mess with it. Which sounds really silly, since I have to cut it up in order to use it. You may ask why I just don't trace it onto the fabric... well, my brain doesn't quite work that way. I like to put the pattern pieces on the fabric and use a pencil to trace them on -- from the thick edges of the pattern. Because I HATE tissue paper patterns.

I always feel like I can never use them again, and then what is the flippin point?

Anyway, I told Alex to tell me to get over my strange phobia and cut the head pattern already. So, I did. You can see the pieces here. It's going to be a relatively simple doll, and I'm thinking
the chicken fabric (behind the pattern) for the legs. I bought this forever ago because I thought it was hilarious (hello, chickens saying "bonjour") and haven't been able to cut it. Because I'm obsessive and neurotic. But, I know for a fact that other fabric hoarders do the same thing. You can love a fabric so much that you never bring yourself to actually use it. It's sad, but true.

Anyway, I hope to get started in earnest on this in the next week. I will get some more photos' up to show progress, so if you don't see any in the next few days -- please PLEASE nag me about it. I need that.

She so totally captured it...

Dylan Meconis is a cartoonist/artist that I've been following (read blog-stalking) for a little while. She posted about how seriously a trip can get messed up and posted the following toon:Click on it to make it bigger (or this).


This also captures the way I felt when Alex and I missed our flight home from Oregon. So ANGRY! Plus, the Delta "customer service" lady didn't help at all. She repeated several times that they had overbooked and oversold every flight, so we couldn't wait stand-by for any flight home. They could, however, put us on the plane leaving the next morning if we were willing to shell out $1200 -- seeing as how they would have to charge us $100 for transferring our original tickets to a new flight, and $550 each to upgrade our seats to first class. As those were the ONLY seats available on the freaking plane.

Lianna told me I should have taken a picture of her to post here, but I was so angry at the time I wasn't seeing straight.

So, we had stand in line at Southwest to buy new tickets for $500 to get home the next day (which was a Monday, and this all happened Sunday, July 27). Southwest was awesome. They were all polite and helpful, and more than willing to offer us the help we needed. Fly Southwest, screw Delta. Seriously.


Okay, that should be the last any of you hear about Oregon, at least for a while.

Random Post, because I can...

this is me scratching myself in the eye after missing our first airplane home from Oregon. I am an unhappy lady in this photo. I hate Oregon so much. Can you tell? Dude.

PT Cruisers are AWESOME!

So,whilst in Oregon we had to rent a car to get ourselves around (and away). We paid EXTRA to get this electric (what Alex calls "make me puke") blue PT Cruiser. Yup. Okay, no, that's what Abbey said we should tell people when they asked us why we were driving around in something the Baby Boom generation considers awesome, but everybody else doesn't. Well, it's mostly the color of the car -- which I chose by the way. Alex wanted the white one, and I had to go for the "make me puke" blue.

It was a good car to drive around in at least. The sound system wasn't great, it only got 21 MPG, and made us look like morons, but it got us where we needed to be. These pictures were taken in Newport, which is kind of a... um... dank and crowded little place. I guess? It is where we caught the video of the crabs eating each other (see below), so that was sweet. But later in this same day I took a four hour nap and missed the logging festival. We did get to see Ripley's Believe it or Not, the Wax Museum, and Undersea adventure (crabs). They were all strange. But at least I got my picture taken with a celebrity:
His face seemed a little squished, and I didn't understand the bandanna wrapped around his wrist, but I guess that's Johnny Depp for you.

I have that presentation today, oh man it's so bad. Oh, well, cognitively I can't come up with anything better than a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of my cats. Oh man.

Morgan is hilarious

My little brother-in-law is a pretty funny guy. To emphasize this let me share a video with you. Now, in this video a couple crabs are eating one of their brothers -- I know, awesome-- and at the very end Morgan says something. Turn the volume up! I tried to get it louder, but this was the best I could do. Laugh and be merry, yo.

Ha! Made you look!

So, remember how I told you that we went to the Portland Art Museum? This was one of the best pieces we saw, because it was so REALISTIC. So much so that Alex and I hesitated in approaching him. We didn't was to bother a guy posing naked in the middle of the gallery.
We also worried that while looking at him he'd jump up and yell, "Ha! Made you look at my bits!" That would have been embarrassing.

Now, mind you we didn't read that we weren't supposed to take pictures until we had had our fill of it all. Whoops.

Frustration just doesn't sum it up...

So, I first created this blog so I could share my crafty side with others who are obsessed/compulsive with fabric and such. But, since I haven't touced this thing since... November? I'll just go ahead and write whatever I want, much like my good angry friend Stephanie. You should really read her blog, it's a laugh.
Now, getting back to why I'm here (typing) in the first place. I had one of the worst weekends in quite a while. My lovely sister-in-law got married this last weekend in Portland, Oregon. See?

Isn't she beautiful? Now, Sallee and Nathan got married in the Temple, so Alex and I couldn't even go in to see the wedding, but I guess the guy leading the ceremony talked about earthquakes and people being crushed under an overpass. What?! you may ask, well, to be honest, I don't know. I only heard about it. I wasn't there. Anyway, we went to Portland for her wedding, and we had good times Thursday when Alex and I were on our own. We went to the Portland Art Museum and had a pretty good time... until I touched something. Of course, just when I touch it one of the curators walks past and says "EXCUSE ME!" I immediately felt like an ass... but, in my defense I touched a "fabric" sculpture, because in my brain when something is made of fabric you NEED to touch it to truly experience it. How was I to know that touching it would make a piece of it tumble an inch? It was not an attractive piece in the first place, and then to discover that it was put together shabbily made me lose respect for the artist. Really, if you're going to display something, don't you make sure that it's solid? When I make things, dolls, toys, whatever, I try to make it solid enough that anyone (including KIDS) can touch it, play with it, to get the full experience. Otherwise, why work with cloth? Anyway, we went driving afterward and got a little lost. Here's Alex looking excited about it: Then we drove to Salem. Um, I think Alex's sister Abbey summed it up best when she called it the "West Valley of Oregon." It was just kind of trashy, and the house we stayed at had a sunken living room. I hate those things, what's the point? I FEEL like going UP and DOWN three steps so I can be in the same room, but LOWER! Stupid design. And Alex's family was on pins and needles, grumpy and complaining about everything. These are optimistic fun people, but in Oregon it's like the lack of sun sucked all of their goodness out. They were kind of more rotten than normal. Well, they're never rotten, so being around their grumpy versions through me for a loop. Plus, I was supposed to be reading 3 chapters for classes, and creating two presentations, so my stress levels were through the roof. Like, right now I should be working on one of those presentations, but my working memory isn't really working anymore. So I'm doing this instead. One more picture, and then I'll try to start working.

We walked around the university in Portland. It was pretty. Okay, better pictures coming soon. I may even look angry in some of them... actually, I can guarantee it.

What I've been working on

Here is the dress I was working on, up until the zipper confused me, and now it's on my dogs crate in a plastic bag. What? You may ask, a zipper was your downfall, a failure? Um, yes, I was frustrated, irritated, and my zipper foot was refusing to work with me, so I folded it up and put it away until my mom can help me. She is a Wiz at sewing garments.

The pin cushion (with 6" doll needle sticking out of her head) is my sweet old lady pin-cushion I made forever ago. I drew her face and realized it had to be sewn to something, which turned into her flowery body (which I intended to be more voluptuous, but this was two years ago when I was still in the thick of learning about making patterns).


Okay, it doesn't seem the lighting is right in either of these pic's, but whatever. I've been working on this doll for a couple months now, and she is almost finished, i just have to figure out how to turn her fingers. I finally bought some of those tiny tube turners, but the hands I had sewn together were a double thickness of fabric and refuse to budge. And when they DO start to turn they tear and fray, regardless of the Fraychek I painted them with.

Ah well, I will get started on that once again after I get my sewing machine back from it's general maintenance. It was supposed to take 7 business days, but the guy was really busy, so I probably won't get it back until next week sometime. Which is good, it forces me to blog in order to get rid of my creative anxiety. I have a lot of that lately. More on the doll later, I've got to get ready to drive to Pocatello, ID to pick up my best friend Mindy.

I'm Bad at this

I keep trying to motivate myself into posting more -- but I fail miserably every time. I think of things to blog about, and then put it off... Obliviously, for months. Anyway, I am going to TRY to be better. There is a lot (okay, not much) going on, and I really need to attempt my blogging greatness.

First thing, I have a favorite new author. I love Stephen King, not his horror, but mainly his Dark Tower series, and any book having to deal with it, which is most any book he has written. I believe what I feel for Mr. King can be called a warm fondness. I love his writing style-- which is mainly story telling, you feel like he's right there telling you what is going on.

Anyway, I don't buy books anymore -- I'm neurotic enough that it makes me nervous (What if I don't really like this book? What if I'm wasting my $15, and just feel disappointed with the plot?) -- so I check out books from the Murray Library, where I can randomly select anything from the shelves and not feel one iota of bad if I don't like the book. Back when I was buying books at Costco I read a couple of really great books (Time Travelers Wife, The Shadow of the Wind), the type that make you cry with the knowledge of how the characters must feel. But, there were some bad ones too. The one I believe broke me in regards to buying books was The Thralls Tale.

You may ask, what was so bad about this book? Well, it was a fascinating tale told by a dull writer. Or, the author, Judith Lindbergh, was trying to be so symbolic in her prose and story that it tore the soul out of the book. I forced myself to finish the book, because I bought it, and I believed there had to be a reason that so many people read it. I wouldn't recommend it. If you want it and are willing to pay for shipping, I will gladly send it to you.

Anyway, back to my first point. I have found a new favorite author. His name is China Mieville and he writes AMAZING science fiction. I randomly picked Perdido Street Station off the Library shelf, and instantly thought -- oh, a creature that wants his wings back and the scientist willing to try to get him back in the air... meh. But I checked it out, because the library lets me read anything I want, and doesn't ask any questions. I love the library.
This book is 640 pages of disturbing poetic steam-punk (which means electricity doesn't exist, everything is lit by gas, and nobody is aware of how badly they are polluting the rivers with their toxic waste)(I don't think they'd care if they did know)(and yes, I know you wanted me to define steam-punk, because I had to have somebody else tell me what it means). China prefers large words to small, old words to new, and starts in first gear before revving it up to 120 mph. Which is to say, you get to know the characters intimately before he leads you into the really weird stuff. Before you meet the Weaver, who is, I believe, one of the best fiction creatures ever thought of.
After Perdido I instantly read The Scar. While reading through this book I felt awful I didn't buy it, there are so many quotes that I wanted to highlight -- and I wrote them down, and would type them here for you, but my cat has roosted in my lap. Once he has roosted, I really can't move him
Anyway, read anything my China Mieville. I'm holding off on reading The Iron Council, because I want to save that for when I really NEED to read a good book. I wish Mr. Mieville had a freaking website, perhaps he is too steam-punk in his life to get his ass on top of that. Hm.

Spam-a-Licious

Ah, what a splendid day for a splendid journey through the land of Monty Python. It's a bright, cartoonie place, full of the French spitting taunts and English knights learning all about their sexuality.
Spamalot, a musical "lovingly" ripped off from the motion picture "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," a beautiful picture that features limb slicing kings, dirt mining peasantry, and much, much more. Now, don't expect the musical to be exactly as the movie is, because you will be disappointed. I kept waiting for the nuns/nurses of the Castle Anthrax to dance up and offer Sir Galahad hours of pleasure. Ooh, yes, oral pleasure! Sadly, no. Instead, one should expect some old (yet very loved) jokes, along with many new ones.
My favorites, you ask? Well, of course, you can't deny the French knights that pop up periodically to gross you with their taunts, their very Frenchness. Let's just say there's something to do with flatulence, male bits, and many raspberries spit along the castle brick. Think of a typewriter, only with spitting.
I must also mention the set they danced on. There are some things I'm still trying to figure out how they got to work, such as the Black Knight. How did they so artistically chop both arms and legs from his body? I'd like to say magic, but I'm sure there's something far more rudimentary to it, like mirrors and smoke.
There are some favorite bits from "Holy Grail" they did keep, such as the killer rabbit, the totally cowardly Sir Robin, and flying cows. I throughly enjoyed myself, and if I had a ratings system, I would give it a four-and-a-half Trojan Rabbits out of five. If they would have kept mimes out of it, I'm sure it would have got really close to a five.

The Shark Man

Months and months ago -- maybe back in March?-- I asked a graphic designer co-worker of mine, Dave, if he would like to do a trade. I could make him something and he could design a logo for me. He agreed, he wanted a shark. One with sunglasses.

I toiled for a while, like four months, on how to make him a realistic shark. He loves great whites, so I doodled and sketched but nothing I drew looked realistic to me. And of course, that's what he wanted, something that looks like a, well like a shark. I couldn't push it through my head, it gave me creative constipation. So, I started looking in another direction.

Since I've been studying doll-making and pattern-making, I thought why not create something new? I've always wanted to make demons/monsters, scary things that can't be scary in toy form. Why not? Because toys are not scary if you can cuddle them. What monster lets you hug it?

Therefore, the shark became Shark Man in my head. I sketched it up, drew up the pattern, and was on my way to fulfilling a promise. However, he was not thrilled with my Shark Man proposition. Dave is an artist himself, and I'm pretty sure he enjoys the realistic aspect of thins, how one can take something that exists in the world and re-create using different materials. Okay, that is not me. If something already exists, it exists in one form of perfection. I don't believe in perfection, at least not the type that I can create on my own -- wool felting taught me that.

But, I had already started the Shark Man, so I tried my best to sell Dave on the idea, then decided that I was really creating something for me that I could easily hand over to someone else. I really can't look at my creations for too long, it lets me believe I've accomplished something already, so why make something new?

Now, since I procrastinate, it took me all summer to complete him, but I have to say he's the most awesome "soft sculpture" I've made so far. He's my favorite.

Thankfully, at least I think, Dave likes the Shark Man. He wasn't as enthusiastic as the other people I showed him to, but that's Dave for you. He doesn't really praise openly, he's more subtle. Plus, I think he feels more pressured than ever to get my logo done, which may make him uncomfortable since he has no time. He is a very busy man, since he is quite literally the "Graphics Department" for the station I work for.

In the end though, I'm not sure I care what others think of the Shark Man. I don't do commissions because they constipate my entire creative process -- but a trade, well, I feel like I can get away with more. Anyway, I feel pretty relieved to have this project done, and now I'm planning to move on to making a dress. Sweet.

(Let me add, I sewed a magnet in his mouth so I can eventually make a limb he can dangle from his teeth, to make him look really fierce. And hilarious.)

The Creative Process

I am slower than a tortoise when it comes to my creative process. I take my time thinking about what I'm going to do, then I look at what materials I want to use, then I think about the pattern I would use for the idea and materials, and then I may or may not actually get started on said project. For instance, I'm in the middle of three or five projects. I'm working on my first book, trying to clothe my second cloth doll, I need to attach the legs to my stuffed Italian Greyhound toy, and I think I'm going to get started on a fertility doll soon. As soon as I figure which material (felt, recycled wool sweaters, yarn) I want to use.

It's a never ending process. (A picture of my "crafty area" above...it's a bit cluttered at the moment.)

Last September I interviewed Mimi Kirchner (fantastic doll artist) about her creative process and what drives her. These are things I am always curious about. I set up my digital Marantz recorder and my THAT-2 audio tap (radio equipment I am nerdy enough to own) and called her with a nervous lump in my belly. We talked for an hour, longer than I could have dreamed of, and she was so easy to talk to. The end result was 60 minutes of audio I had to figure out what to do with... cut in six months later when I decided to cut myself out, chunk it into five pieces, and have Mimi tell her story on her own, with only a periodic question from me. She's posted them on her blog here. The first installment is here and the second is here. I'm surprised at all of the responses she's received, they're all really positive. That makes me love the interview art form that much more.

Hilarious!

I am a big fan of Mad TV, they are strange and weird (which I love, especially Bobby Lee), but every now and then they have a skit that presses right up against the frustrations of the day. Here is the link for a skit they did last Saturday, called the "iRack." I laughed so hard, and then I showed it to Alex's family, and they thought it was funny too. I hope you enjoy.

New Couches!

I have been looking at couches for years, hoping against hope to find something modern, leather, and affordable. Then two weeks ago I was wondering through my favorite furniture store (Copenhagen West) when I found a leather couch and loveseat (above with cat on it) with everything I was looking for. They were on sale "as is" because the leather isn't plush enough and the cushions aren't attached...but, I figured it's a great deal and I should jump on it...compulsively, without Alex there.
I also bought an entertainment center for the TV downstairs:

It has a walnut veneer and lies low to the floor, simple, modern, and relatively cheap.
So, today we will reorganize our front room to make it look respectable. Both Alex and I have moving furniture, but if it will give us a place to actually visit with people when they come by and visit, it will be worth it. Plus, the red couch we had in the front room attracted cat hair like a freaking black hole, but instead of sucking it into nothingness it just gave itself a coat of it. It's pretty bad, even after vacuuming the whole thing I swear I could crochet a sweater made of cat hair. I don't know why, but the mere thought sends my stomach turning.

In the crafting corner I'm working on a greyhound, as soon as it's finished I'll post some photos.

A Doll Experiment

A few months ago on Etsy I asked for help on creating a cloth toy pattern for a demon. I can easily experiment with yarn with crochet, if I mess it up or I don't like it, I pull on the string and the mess is undone. However, with cloth I've always been frustrated with patterns and what seems to be a limited amount of creativity available with them. Patterns, in general, disagree with me. But one very nice etsyer pointed me in the direction of Patti Medaris Culea (http://www.pmcdesigns.com/) and Susanna Oroyan.

Both of these women have authored several books regarding the creation and design of cloth dolls. I remember I experimented with cloth dolls when I was younger, but I didn't like my doll. It was floppy and without personality. At the time I didn't understand why I couldn't get the result I wanted. The answer is my total lack of imagination when it came to fabric.

Both Culea and Oroyan do a breathtaking job of directing you on how to make a doll and make it your own. I thank both of them for this, because I finally have a good excuse to not only buy fabric, but use it.

The first doll I made is from Culea's book Cloth Doll Making, found on page 22. I didn't paint my doll liek Culea did, but instead I added wings and a dress I crocheted. I understand I still have a quite a ways to go with making dolls, but I am really pleased with my first one. She's 18 inches long, which is bigger than I thought she would be. I made the mistake of sewing her arms and then trimming the fabric (muslin) too close to the seam, which made parts of her arms "blow out" while I stuffed them. I stopped that by hand sewing them closed, which is not the most attractive way of fix a doll. The other option was to remake the arm, but I wasn't willing to start over when I had such momentum behind me.

I drew her face using Culea's instructions, and was pleasantly suprised with my end result. Since finishing this doll I've invested in fabric pen and experimented with more face drawing. I made a silly pincushion, and I'll post that soon.

I also found my very first favorite crafting blog. It's by doll artist Mimi Kirchner, and I've been pulling a lot of inspiration from her blog (http://mimikirchner.com/blog/). Her blog is so easy to read because she takes pictures of her creative process and describes what she does. She also has an etsy store: mck254.etsy.com.

All right, I have to go be productive by cleaning my house or something....

Night Sky

You grow up believing they are immortal
Lit beacons in the sky
Stars that shine for a millenia
But not all stars are there
It is only their bright afterimage
That lives/lingers on

People linger in memory
When their body has failed
Degenerates
Turns to dust
These towers of immortality
So tall
When you are young and must look up at their aged faces

Still die
Still die
Still die

They remain with you only
As stars in your night sky
Immortality as brightness
As you knew when they were alive