A couple days ago I called my mom and asked her to go to a daycare open house with me so I could check it out. I told her that she asks really great questions and that would help a lot, especially since I always freeze up in those types of situations.
I told her the truth, but there was definitely another reason for asking her to come along. I needed the support of having my mommy there while I checked out the potential place my baby may be going to for 40 hours a week.
It's very freaky.
I know I talked big, saying I can't wait to hand her off to someone else, but as the school year approaches I'm starting to dread it. Not that I don't get frustrated on a daily basis with caring for my stubborn and brave girl. Oh. Man.
But, I'm starting to realize how much time during the week I will not be spending with her. Forty hours or more. My mornings will be spent racing to get us both ready to leave the house, making sure I have everything she needs and what I need, and verifying that I have indeed done my hair and put all of my makeup on (because I occasionally forget the mascara).
I do have to look like an adult when I leave the house.
Otherwise I have the potential to look like one of my students. I'm a 100 lb. waif. I am smaller than the majority of my students.
It's creepy.
And my nights will be swallowed with dinner, grading, and who knows what else. I'm just hoping I'm not too busy or distracted to suffocate her with kisses and food.
Anyway.
My mom and I checked out the daycare today and it was awesome, however it will be my plan B if I have to be put on the wait list at another daycare. The only thing going against it is that it's a bit out of the way in North Salt Lake, but it would only add about 10 minutes to my morning commute. Which is nothing when I think of how much she liked it there.
We entered the toddler room and JG instantly wanted down so she could mingle and play with toys. My child was fearless, touching, playing, riding, reading, she was out there and in the middle of it.
All the little boys ran up to her (okay, there were only three boys). Like, oooh.
JG did not want to leave.
Seriously, it took two attempts to get her out of the room, and even then I had to really hold her the second time. And outside of the toddler room she walked around (because she is doing a lot of that now) like she owned the place.
If she does go there I am confident she will learn and enjoy herself. I am just so anxious about being away from her, but I'm not sure if she will miss me.
Maybe that's what worries me?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
A New Favorite
I have a new website that I like a lot. A lot. I'm not sure how often I will go to visit it, but I really like the message that it sends.
What is that message?
That crafting takes a boatload of time. Loads. And what a pain in the ass it is that when you try to sell what you made and buyers poo-poo your prices.
Which is a major reason I don't sell my stuff. I will trade, or give, but the few experiences I have with trying to sell my toys have been less than pleasant. My mother is my #1 buyer, if that tells you anything.
The website is just a bunch of videos doing their thing for five minutes. Five minutes of stitching, piecing, sewing, anything. Nothing else. Just crafting.
I like watching how other people do their thing.
I strongly suggest you check it out here.
What is that message?
That crafting takes a boatload of time. Loads. And what a pain in the ass it is that when you try to sell what you made and buyers poo-poo your prices.
Which is a major reason I don't sell my stuff. I will trade, or give, but the few experiences I have with trying to sell my toys have been less than pleasant. My mother is my #1 buyer, if that tells you anything.
The website is just a bunch of videos doing their thing for five minutes. Five minutes of stitching, piecing, sewing, anything. Nothing else. Just crafting.
I like watching how other people do their thing.
I strongly suggest you check it out here.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Urgggh.
I am procrastinating making some birds a friend of mine asked for. I'm not entirely sure why I'm putting it off, because when I'm done I get to trade them in for some pretty sweet pictures.
I have the birds drawn up, now I just need to make the pattern and do it.
DO IT, DAMMIT!
I am such a wuss.
I keep thinking how I could be folding laundry, as if that is the better way to go. Laundry is never the better way to go, never let your brain (or loved ones) convince you otherwise.
Okay, I'm going to find a nice podcast and force myself to get started. And then I may show you some pictures, if, IF, I get off my lazy ass to take any.
Carley
I have the birds drawn up, now I just need to make the pattern and do it.
DO IT, DAMMIT!
I am such a wuss.
I keep thinking how I could be folding laundry, as if that is the better way to go. Laundry is never the better way to go, never let your brain (or loved ones) convince you otherwise.
Okay, I'm going to find a nice podcast and force myself to get started. And then I may show you some pictures, if, IF, I get off my lazy ass to take any.
Carley
Monday, July 19, 2010
Pass/Fail
Motherhood is all about passing and failing, either your parenting method works, or it doesn't. This past week Alex and I have had to change some things around, especially since we were failing more than we were comfortable with.
So, how did we do?
First test: JG's screaming fits.
You may remember reading about me pulling my hair out while JG threw fits, and me being entirely clueless as to what action to take.
So, Alex gets home Tuesday night and JG is still being a terror. We both stare at her in frustration, and I let her scream while I make dinner and Alex deals with her. While we're eating dinner, JG is just rambling along around us and Alex gives her a bit of curry off his fork. She eats it, goes back to her thing, and then comes back for more. And more, and more.
My child does not eat. We have been wrestling with this for months, and her doctor emphasized that I should be feeding her more fatty foods, like butter (which she can't have because of the bloody poop it results in). I have tried to feed her many things, and the majority of the time she simply refuses, which leads to her being more hungry and results in her being severely irritable.
Thus: screaming fits of hungry rage.
Until this breakthrough. Surprisingly enough, as a one-year-old she is easily distracted and soon gets tired and irritated of sitting in her high chair. Most of the food on her tray goes to the dogs. However, if I allow her to go about her business and then take the opportunity to shove food in her mouth as she comes near me, SHE EATS! And, she eat enough that I am flabbergasted and a bit humiliated that I didn't think of this before.
This is our new routine: I will carry some type of food with me, say hot cereal, and I will offer some to her as she plays and comes near me. I refuse to chase after her with the food, she does have to wander back over to me to get some, but happily for me she returns to me at regular intervals and eventually eats enough to satisfy my need for her to be stuffed with food at all times (as is the drive in most mothers, commonly labeled as "food pushing").
This morning she ate a bunch of Cheerios, some pancake, and she drank some hypoallergenic formula (we are gradually starting the weaning process) and some Odwalla strawberry superfood.
I give us a PASS on this test, excuse me while I pat myself on the back.
Second test: SLEEP.
As mentioned above JG is easily distracted, and this crosses over to her nap and bed times. Nursing her to sleep has turned into a process where I just get frustrated and want to lock her in the closet, and in the end she gets what she wants: she gets to stay up with us.
And I don't get the two hours I normally get to spend with my husband at night.
Since Alex didn't see the closet solution working out for us (and probably resulting in child welfare knocking at our door) he deemed it time to put the crib back together. Because, as odd as it may sound to you, I was nursing her to sleep in her crib, and we had replaced one gate side with a guard rail. It made it easier for me to get out... and, unfortunately, easier for her to get out as well.
So on Saturday we put JG to bed in her crib and let her cry for five minutes, check on her, and on for 45 minutes until she passed out in the sitting position. Chin presses against her chest, body leaning forward, and legs sprawled in front of her. Alex eased her back, calmed her down again, and she was out.
Success? Time-wise, yes, it's been taking me two hours to get her to sleep, and most of that is spent trying to get her to lay down at all. Nap time she cries for about 10 minutes, and bed time is more like 40, and listening to her cry feels like razor blades dancing in my skull... but I am relieved not have to fight with her to get her to fall asleep.
I mean, it's still sort of like fighting... but I feel like I'm more on the winning side. The mean winning side, because it seems a bit unfair. But, what in life is 100% fair?
Pass or fail? I think it's a little of both. I'm not a big fan of letting her cry herself to sleep, but her negotiating skills (yes, google it, toddlers negotiate like crazy) are getting to the point where I want her to know that when I say "bed time" I mean it.
I am, however, still sleeping her her room when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Why?
When was the last time you woke up at two in the morning and had to comfort someone back to sleep and then go back to your own room and comfort yourself back to sleep? It's just easier to comfort together. Plus, this is a weaning process for both of us. Sadly enough, I sleep better in her room than I do my own, but I am now going to bed in my own room first.
Small steps, man, small steps.
So, how did we do?
First test: JG's screaming fits.
You may remember reading about me pulling my hair out while JG threw fits, and me being entirely clueless as to what action to take.
So, Alex gets home Tuesday night and JG is still being a terror. We both stare at her in frustration, and I let her scream while I make dinner and Alex deals with her. While we're eating dinner, JG is just rambling along around us and Alex gives her a bit of curry off his fork. She eats it, goes back to her thing, and then comes back for more. And more, and more.
My child does not eat. We have been wrestling with this for months, and her doctor emphasized that I should be feeding her more fatty foods, like butter (which she can't have because of the bloody poop it results in). I have tried to feed her many things, and the majority of the time she simply refuses, which leads to her being more hungry and results in her being severely irritable.
Thus: screaming fits of hungry rage.
Until this breakthrough. Surprisingly enough, as a one-year-old she is easily distracted and soon gets tired and irritated of sitting in her high chair. Most of the food on her tray goes to the dogs. However, if I allow her to go about her business and then take the opportunity to shove food in her mouth as she comes near me, SHE EATS! And, she eat enough that I am flabbergasted and a bit humiliated that I didn't think of this before.
This is our new routine: I will carry some type of food with me, say hot cereal, and I will offer some to her as she plays and comes near me. I refuse to chase after her with the food, she does have to wander back over to me to get some, but happily for me she returns to me at regular intervals and eventually eats enough to satisfy my need for her to be stuffed with food at all times (as is the drive in most mothers, commonly labeled as "food pushing").
This morning she ate a bunch of Cheerios, some pancake, and she drank some hypoallergenic formula (we are gradually starting the weaning process) and some Odwalla strawberry superfood.
I give us a PASS on this test, excuse me while I pat myself on the back.
Second test: SLEEP.
As mentioned above JG is easily distracted, and this crosses over to her nap and bed times. Nursing her to sleep has turned into a process where I just get frustrated and want to lock her in the closet, and in the end she gets what she wants: she gets to stay up with us.
And I don't get the two hours I normally get to spend with my husband at night.
Since Alex didn't see the closet solution working out for us (and probably resulting in child welfare knocking at our door) he deemed it time to put the crib back together. Because, as odd as it may sound to you, I was nursing her to sleep in her crib, and we had replaced one gate side with a guard rail. It made it easier for me to get out... and, unfortunately, easier for her to get out as well.
So on Saturday we put JG to bed in her crib and let her cry for five minutes, check on her, and on for 45 minutes until she passed out in the sitting position. Chin presses against her chest, body leaning forward, and legs sprawled in front of her. Alex eased her back, calmed her down again, and she was out.
Success? Time-wise, yes, it's been taking me two hours to get her to sleep, and most of that is spent trying to get her to lay down at all. Nap time she cries for about 10 minutes, and bed time is more like 40, and listening to her cry feels like razor blades dancing in my skull... but I am relieved not have to fight with her to get her to fall asleep.
I mean, it's still sort of like fighting... but I feel like I'm more on the winning side. The mean winning side, because it seems a bit unfair. But, what in life is 100% fair?
Pass or fail? I think it's a little of both. I'm not a big fan of letting her cry herself to sleep, but her negotiating skills (yes, google it, toddlers negotiate like crazy) are getting to the point where I want her to know that when I say "bed time" I mean it.
I am, however, still sleeping her her room when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Why?
When was the last time you woke up at two in the morning and had to comfort someone back to sleep and then go back to your own room and comfort yourself back to sleep? It's just easier to comfort together. Plus, this is a weaning process for both of us. Sadly enough, I sleep better in her room than I do my own, but I am now going to bed in my own room first.
Small steps, man, small steps.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Sleep Fight Club
I say, "Nap."
She says, "No."
I say, "Sleep."
She says, "Why?"
I say, "You've got to be exhausted."
She says, "You've got to be kidding."
And this is usually the point where I start pulling my hair out, big wads of it that you can see tumbling around the wood floors in my house.
Have you ever been around a sleepy and cranky baby? Compare it to being forced to spend two hours of every day inside a small jail cell where monkeys are encouraged to throw their feces at you.
It may even be more horrible than that.
Not every day is like that... but most days are. I have to admit that I am still (for the most part) nursing JG to sleep. Which means I lie beside her and wait for her to fall asleep, sometimes it takes ten minutes, and sometimes an hour or more.
It just depends on how much patience I have. There are days where it is limitless and I will wait and wait with her until she finally nods off. Most days, however, I throw up my hands after ten minutes or so (especially if she's fighting me) and leave the room and let her do whatever it is that she does.
She wins the sleep fight about 50% of the time, the other 50% I hold her down and basically force her to fall sleep. Fighting sleep is pretty tiring.
For both of us.
She says, "No."
I say, "Sleep."
She says, "Why?"
I say, "You've got to be exhausted."
She says, "You've got to be kidding."
And this is usually the point where I start pulling my hair out, big wads of it that you can see tumbling around the wood floors in my house.
Have you ever been around a sleepy and cranky baby? Compare it to being forced to spend two hours of every day inside a small jail cell where monkeys are encouraged to throw their feces at you.
It may even be more horrible than that.
Not every day is like that... but most days are. I have to admit that I am still (for the most part) nursing JG to sleep. Which means I lie beside her and wait for her to fall asleep, sometimes it takes ten minutes, and sometimes an hour or more.
It just depends on how much patience I have. There are days where it is limitless and I will wait and wait with her until she finally nods off. Most days, however, I throw up my hands after ten minutes or so (especially if she's fighting me) and leave the room and let her do whatever it is that she does.
She wins the sleep fight about 50% of the time, the other 50% I hold her down and basically force her to fall sleep. Fighting sleep is pretty tiring.
For both of us.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Fourteen Months
For those of you who read this blog regularly you may have the impression that I don't like being a mother, that I take my daughter for granted, or that I'm just not very good at this whole "mother" thing.
I will blame all of those things on my writing tone, which I have been told (and I agree) is pretty sarcastic... sometimes dripping with the stuff. If you ever meet me it may make more sense.
I will say that I am still learning how to be a good mom, but other than that I despise reading mommy blogs where the children do nothing wrong.
My children are perfect! When they poop it smells like flowers! I don't know what a tantrum is?
Nonsense mommy bloggers. Non. Sense. Therefore, my approach is more realistic, I like to try to be honest, but I do tend to leave out a lot of the awesome stuff, where I am amazed by her and what fills me with adoration.
My baby is fourteen months old today. FOURTEEN MONTHS! I am thrilled how much she has grown and developed. She talks up a thunderstorm, words include, but are not limited to:
1. Mommy
2. Daddy
3. doggy
4. puppy
5. kitty
6. hang on
7. down
8. thank you
9. mama
10. Maggie
11. really
12. hi
13. that one
and more that I can't think of right now.
JG knows what she wants and will get upset if she doesn't get it, however we are figuring out a negotiating process. She is growing more confident about walking every day. And she is hilarious and constantly doing the unexpected. All the time.
Oh man. Being a mother is such a challenge, but we are working it out together, one stress-filled and love absorbing day at a time.
I will blame all of those things on my writing tone, which I have been told (and I agree) is pretty sarcastic... sometimes dripping with the stuff. If you ever meet me it may make more sense.
I will say that I am still learning how to be a good mom, but other than that I despise reading mommy blogs where the children do nothing wrong.
My children are perfect! When they poop it smells like flowers! I don't know what a tantrum is?
Nonsense mommy bloggers. Non. Sense. Therefore, my approach is more realistic, I like to try to be honest, but I do tend to leave out a lot of the awesome stuff, where I am amazed by her and what fills me with adoration.
My baby is fourteen months old today. FOURTEEN MONTHS! I am thrilled how much she has grown and developed. She talks up a thunderstorm, words include, but are not limited to:
1. Mommy
2. Daddy
3. doggy
4. puppy
5. kitty
6. hang on
7. down
8. thank you
9. mama
10. Maggie
11. really
12. hi
13. that one
and more that I can't think of right now.
JG knows what she wants and will get upset if she doesn't get it, however we are figuring out a negotiating process. She is growing more confident about walking every day. And she is hilarious and constantly doing the unexpected. All the time.
Oh man. Being a mother is such a challenge, but we are working it out together, one stress-filled and love absorbing day at a time.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Tantrum Thrower
Now it may come as a shock to some that I am looking forward to the fall, when I'll start teaching and JG will start going to daycare. I know many mothers believe it is sacrilege to want to hand your precious one over to other people... but, honestly? I think it will do me and JG some good to have some time to each other.
I know, be offended now, and get over it.
My daughter is a very opinionated and strong minded being, both traits I am happy to see she has inherited from her family (and reminds me constantly of my grandma). However, it also means that when she doesn't get what she wants she has the tendency to blow up. Something I can definitely identify with, since as a child I once told my PE teacher to F-off because running in 100 degree weather was something I simply would not do.
For a long time this just meant she would scream at the top of her lungs while I made dinner and had to leave her on the floor to protect her from the hot surfaces on the stove. She doesn't care, she hates being ignored, and when she wants to be held she will throw a fit until she gets what she wants.
We've been working on this, with me telling her that I will not pick her up until she stops crying, and for a bit that strategy was working.
However.
However.
This last week there has been a new development. I'm not sure when she worked out that when she's hurt and crying I scoop her up without asking her to stop. So.
So.
Last week I watched her throw herself to the floor and scream when I was on the phone with my sister. One second she was supporting herself without a problem, and then she used all of her kinetic energy to drop like a sack of very small potato's to the kitchen floor. Her body even made a small thud when it hit the floor.
On Sunday we were watching Ponyo (eh) and JG was trying to play with the house phone and making noises for us to watch her. Alex and I had our attention focused on the movie, and apparently this really upset her, because Alex watched her bite her arm and then scream like she had just been stabbed with hot pokers.
Tiny hot poker teeth.
How hard can a 14-month-old bite herself? Well, initially there were teeth marks, by the end of the day they were welts, and two days later she has bruises on her arm.
Can you believe that?! My child bit herself so hard she bruised.
I bought a book to help me figure out how to help her through this, I read about 50 pages and then lost it. In my house. And no, I don't know how I did that or where it is. With me, if I go looking for it it's almost a 100% guarantee I won't find it. So.
So.
It is very hard for me to get anything done while she is awake, because if I am not fully engaged with her she can get very mad. She's not like that all the time, but enough that I have been conditioned to just give her what she wants (when she can actually have it, we do have rules even if she hates them).
So, I am looking forward to getting some time to myself this fall, even if I will have to work my ass off to learn how to be a good teacher. Oh, man, I am going to be so exhausted.
I know, be offended now, and get over it.
My daughter is a very opinionated and strong minded being, both traits I am happy to see she has inherited from her family (and reminds me constantly of my grandma). However, it also means that when she doesn't get what she wants she has the tendency to blow up. Something I can definitely identify with, since as a child I once told my PE teacher to F-off because running in 100 degree weather was something I simply would not do.
For a long time this just meant she would scream at the top of her lungs while I made dinner and had to leave her on the floor to protect her from the hot surfaces on the stove. She doesn't care, she hates being ignored, and when she wants to be held she will throw a fit until she gets what she wants.
We've been working on this, with me telling her that I will not pick her up until she stops crying, and for a bit that strategy was working.
However.
However.
This last week there has been a new development. I'm not sure when she worked out that when she's hurt and crying I scoop her up without asking her to stop. So.
So.
Last week I watched her throw herself to the floor and scream when I was on the phone with my sister. One second she was supporting herself without a problem, and then she used all of her kinetic energy to drop like a sack of very small potato's to the kitchen floor. Her body even made a small thud when it hit the floor.
On Sunday we were watching Ponyo (eh) and JG was trying to play with the house phone and making noises for us to watch her. Alex and I had our attention focused on the movie, and apparently this really upset her, because Alex watched her bite her arm and then scream like she had just been stabbed with hot pokers.
Tiny hot poker teeth.
How hard can a 14-month-old bite herself? Well, initially there were teeth marks, by the end of the day they were welts, and two days later she has bruises on her arm.
Can you believe that?! My child bit herself so hard she bruised.
I bought a book to help me figure out how to help her through this, I read about 50 pages and then lost it. In my house. And no, I don't know how I did that or where it is. With me, if I go looking for it it's almost a 100% guarantee I won't find it. So.
So.
It is very hard for me to get anything done while she is awake, because if I am not fully engaged with her she can get very mad. She's not like that all the time, but enough that I have been conditioned to just give her what she wants (when she can actually have it, we do have rules even if she hates them).
So, I am looking forward to getting some time to myself this fall, even if I will have to work my ass off to learn how to be a good teacher. Oh, man, I am going to be so exhausted.
Monday, July 12, 2010
I'm not entirely sure what to write... I have come up with about a dozen posts and have failed to write any of them... out of laziness? Performance anxiety?
It's definitely not to say that nothing has been going on. Hell, my house has been a bubbling pot of activity this past month. What has gone on?
1. Lost dog (Stella)
2. Found puppy
3. Found dog
4. Amputated what was left of dog's tail
5. Family reunion (many hot days in the sun with people I'm proud to call family)
6. Brought puppy (now called Maggie) home
7. Celebrated the 4th of July with our very own, very illegal fireworks just three blocks from our police station (we were the pre-show and our neighbors loved it)
8. Cared for a sick and grumpy JG (with a 100 degree fever)
9. Pulled my hair out due to insane puppy and dog combo.
This week I am going to try and post something every day, get myself back into the swing of things.
Also, I'm thinking about setting up a lunch this week, and possibly a movie with people who are interested in such things. However, I must attach a warning as being a SAHM has made me a terrible communicator and entertainer... so it may just seem like you're eating next to a person you're not entirely aware of. Not to worry though, JG will make sure you're aware of her, she's good at that.
Also, would anyone be interested in a toy/doll making class given by me?
It's definitely not to say that nothing has been going on. Hell, my house has been a bubbling pot of activity this past month. What has gone on?
1. Lost dog (Stella)
2. Found puppy
3. Found dog
4. Amputated what was left of dog's tail
5. Family reunion (many hot days in the sun with people I'm proud to call family)
6. Brought puppy (now called Maggie) home
7. Celebrated the 4th of July with our very own, very illegal fireworks just three blocks from our police station (we were the pre-show and our neighbors loved it)
8. Cared for a sick and grumpy JG (with a 100 degree fever)
9. Pulled my hair out due to insane puppy and dog combo.
This week I am going to try and post something every day, get myself back into the swing of things.
Also, I'm thinking about setting up a lunch this week, and possibly a movie with people who are interested in such things. However, I must attach a warning as being a SAHM has made me a terrible communicator and entertainer... so it may just seem like you're eating next to a person you're not entirely aware of. Not to worry though, JG will make sure you're aware of her, she's good at that.
Also, would anyone be interested in a toy/doll making class given by me?
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