hehehe

I'm having a bit of a crappy week. It's connected with my last post... but I felt this comic really emphasized my feeling... and made me laugh out loud. A bit of a warning -- Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is very funny, but nasty and wrong in all the right ways.

DONE**

**warning, the following post complains about graduate school--read at your own risk**

You know, it's funny.  I thought when I finished my MAT program at Westminster I would be so sorrowful and withdrawn, but after this week I am RELIEVED!  

Don't get me too wrong.  I learned a lot from the majority of the professors I had.  I actually adore most of them as they took the time to teach me and make sure I was understanding the information they were feeding me.  Via enema.

But the class they attached to the very end of the program was completely unnecessary and made me a very grumpy student.  I thought Westminster encouraged their professors to teach students to think for themselves, but apparently not.  Not all of them believe it important for us to have our own personal beliefs or to pursue our own interests.

But, really, it's just one.  And that's all the b****ing I will do about that before digging myself a hole.  

Seriously, I woke up at two in the morning and could not fall back to sleep because I was so angry about this.  You should know, like I stated above, all other professors were pretty awesome and I have zero complaints about them.  

Then I had a dream I was giving birth to an elephant and Alex had those plug earrings... I keep having the strangest birthing dreams.  I guess that just emphasizes that I am two weeks away from my due date.  Now that school is done I'm hoping Brian comes earlier so I can spend more time with him before teaching next year.

Which is me being optimistic, since I don't even have a job set up yet.

Life's Questions

I'm freaking out a little bit.  I have my last Westminster paper to write, a five page behemoth about my "personal journey and development as a teacher from the beginning to the end of the MAT program."  

Um, seriously?  Is it natural for my school to need to know so much about my feelings and such?  This is on top of the journaling and two other papers asking me to talk about how my view of culture has changed, and how I'm so much more of an open minded person now.

I actually talked to a fellow student who sounds like they hate more now.  Hate more now after a year of having our students "funds of knowledge" shoved down our throats.  Bah.

Anyway, this is the last paper I have to write and then I have to put a portfolio together, which isn't difficult since it's all stuff I've completed. 

The problem is... what then?  I don't have a job yet, so I get to worry about what I'll be doing next year.  Last year all the MAT students had jobs lined up, but with the economy the way it is it looks like my cohort will be waiting a bit longer.

Also, once I'm done with this stuff, what then?  I have two weeks until my due date with Brian, and my doctor said yesterday that it's entirely possible that I reach it.  What in god's name do I do for TWO WEEKS!  I have no job.  I am uncomfortable all of the time.  I am trying to sew, but my motivation wavers.

At least the house is clean.  I will try to keep that up.  My best friend Alicia visited over the weekend and Alex and I had to make the house presentable for her -- we had to eliminate many little cat hair tumbleweeds that had started to get aggressive.  

So, now, after today is over... what the hell do I do with my life?  I guess I just continue to gestate Brian?  I have crafty things to finish... I have a couple of chicken bodies that look like men's genitalia.  

Okay, I've got to write that paper now.  Go on with your life.  You're probably doing something so much more productive...

Huh

There are certain pains ones body experiences that are just not okay.  They are especially not okay to talk about in public.

But, oh man, what is with this?  

Along with that I have about a day to complete one of my last assignments for grad school... and I just don't really care any more.  I'm sort of on the verge of making s*** up.  And, yes, I should have had this completed days ago.  

But, I am 37 weeks pregnant and my brain no long works.  Or cares.  I hope it starts up enough again after Brian comes that I can actually function well enough to take care of a baby.

Huh...

My brain...

I did it.  I wrote a research paper.  The final comes out to be 18 pages, but that's with the title page and references and such.  I would share it with you, in PDF or something, but I have no idea of how to link that here.  I'm not sure any of you would really want to read it anyway, but I thought I would offer.

My brain hurts.  And I'm not even done, I still have pieces of my "Question B" to work on.  Will I be finished in time for the deadline tomorrow?  Who knows.

But, let me share with you a moment of quail zen.

Curse of Procrastination

I have an extremely important research paper due on Monday, and a fairly large portfolio.  When did I wait to start writing the paper, even though I've known about it for... months?  

Thursday.

Admittedly, I have been researching.  I found twelve excellent resources that I will be using, and out of those resources I have eight pages of quotes that may or may not make their way into the final paper.  I also have two pages written, another 8-10 pages to go.  

I'm writing on teacher expectations and resistant students (students that range from doing nothing in your classroom to acting out and misbehaving).  Before beginning my research I didn't realize how these two inequalities are completely intertwined with each other.  How the teacher interacts with their students determines how the students behave, and vice versa.

What did I find was the best way to take care of both of these issues?  Teachers need to have high expectations of all of their students, regardless of race or dress or whatever, and that if you can form a healthy trusting community in your classroom you're likely to prod resistant students out of their shells.  

Mutual trust.  Who would have thought?

Anyway, I'm going to spend 4 or 5 hours at my library today trying to finish this paper so I can then give it to Alex's mother to read -- she's a professor at the University of Phoenix.  She will have no problems telling me if it is good or bad.  I need this, especially since the professors I will be handing the end product into are... picky?  

Mind you, they told us we can write this research paper in the "first person" and that they would love for it to be a "reflective piece."  After much deliberation, I'm ignoring these suggestions.  Either you want a research paper, which can be dull but full of facts, or you want me to reflect on my experiences -- which should not have to be written in APA format.  

So there.  

*Warning, breasts and babies will be discussed in the next paragraph*

Oh, one more thing.  I went to the Lactation Station last Thursday and it was WONDERFUL!  I was there for thirty minutes and left with everything I need to start breast feeding, including a book on how to breast feed (seeing as how I've never done it).  The woman who helped me was amazing.  She eyeballed my boobs and gave me some nursing bras to try on -- bras with extra space for now so that after Brian comes they will fit perfectly.  What size are the bra's?  34 F (or DDD).  

I know, I was quite impressed myself.  But the best part was having someone there who knew what she was talking about and was able to give me great advice.  I've been all over the valley trying to find nursing bras -- and nobody carries them.  Okay, except for "Motherhood" but they were flimsy and the sales staff irritated me.  AND the changing rooms are just curtains, which is apparently too tempting for the small children who infect the place and like to peek in to "see what's there."  

Anyway, I have bras that fit now, along with some needed extras.  *Thanks mom!*

Now I have to go eat a huge breakfast so I can spend hours at the library and not feel famished. 

Oh, and I have six weeks left until Brian's due date...  Holy sh**

As Promised

For those of you who live far away (Mindy) this is what I look like -- at least this was me a week ago on a walk with Stella.  Doesn't she look so happy?  

Now, I'm sure you want more of a "detailed" photo... but just think of how long it took me to post this one.

Other than walking the dog I've started being a student again, one who is unwilling to start writing the papers I'm supposed to be writing.  That's right, I'd rather be watching petty TV than researching inequity in schools.  Blah.

We also made a trip to Ikea (weird how a four letter word has three syllables) for baby stuff.  Alex spent the weekend putting furniture together.  His parents were worried that it would be horrid for him, but they don't realize that he LOVES building and putting things together.  Yes, it takes hours, and he loves it.  All that remains to be built is the crib.  Here is what we have so far:

The bee has wheels and can be ridden on.  Yes, it is meant for three year olds, but Alex and I couldn't leave the store without it.  So, now we have some baby furniture, a bee, and a giant dragon kite for Brian's room.  We are so prepared.

One. More. Day.

Today is my last day of Junior High. I have spent ten weeks waking up at 5:30 AM and teaching/managing/wrangling 14-15 year-old ninth graders.

I feel a combination of relieved and anxious? Weird, isn't it. I get a few days off and then I have to start really applying for jobs in an economy that sounds like a drowning victim. Joy.

I think I might try to make it out of the house and see a movie this weekend, I think ending student teaching should free up enough brain space to make that fun.

Oh, and I'm turning 29 next week. I can't wait for the cake.

Insert Evil Laugh Here...

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!

Not that the last six weeks haven't been an enriching experience. I mean, standing in somebody else's classroom, teaching their students, trying to continue teaching the lessons they would prefer me to do -- all of those things helped make this a memorable and valuable experience. I do have to say that the fact my mentor is NOT looking forward to having her classes back does make me smile. She observed one of the easier classes earlier this week and then jumped all over me for my lack of control over them.

(In the students defense, they're not usually that bad, but I am far more lenient on them then I am other class periods because the class doesn't have nearly as many students as other periods... whatever.)

I wanted to tell her that the way she controls her classes -- through condescending comments and somewhat manipulative language -- makes a lot of her students hate her. The A students love her, and she loves them, but she can be mean to those that don't fit into her definition of what is "the right kind of student."

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I love the weird kids who may or may not be failing. I was a weird kid, so I guess there's some sort of camaraderie there.

Sorry, I don't mean to vent. I'm just so excited to put an end to this strange charade they call student teaching. Now I get to start on looking for a job and interviewing with school districts.

I don't want to. I'm tired and I want to spend a full week watching old episodes of Angel. I love you Joss Whedon.

Hopefully, getting all of my brain power back will help me focus more on the fetus (Brian) that has made me large and wobbly. I'm running out of clothes to wear to school, and I'm looking forward to not having to worry about what bra I wear. I think I may just start leaving those evil things at home... if my boobs can handle the freedom.

I measured my belly around its largest part last night -- 37 inches. Yup. I'm hungry all of the time, I eat all of the time, and I think most of it is going to Brian, who should be about 3 pounds now.

Okay, I'm done. Go back to your daily routine. I have to write a resume now... that's two days late...

Back from the BRAIN DEAD

I am five weeks into student teaching -- only FIVE more to go!  Oh my god I can barely contain myself.  You may be wondering why it's been so long since you've heard from me... well, you see, when you spend all day with 14 year olds (who my adviser says are "all assholes at this age") when you get home, you're brain is literally DEAD.  

I get home around four or so and just sit for two hours.  I can't think about anything, I can't talk about anything.  I have friends and family that I haven't called because, quite frankly, I don't have the attention span for a conversation.  I do think about it (Jen, Min), but then I decide to turn the TV on and see if I have anything on the DVR.  Something that won't bother to teach me anything, or make me think.  

I think I've got another three weeks to go until I'm done teaching, then I need to start phasing my mentor teacher back into the class room.  Some students asked me when this will happen and then groaned when I told them -- they like me better... Alex tells me they're just "kissing ass" and probably don't care that much.  Who knows.

Okay, so, doll hair.  This is what I did on one of the experimental heads:

I used felt.  She has bangs now too, but to post that here would require me to take more photo's, and (quite frankly) that's just not going to happen right now.  

You know all those doll parts I've been showing you for MONTHS?  Well, I finally put her together, but she's naked and I'm working on some clothes for her now.  Maybe you'll see the results in a few weeks.  Who knows.  I'm pretty pleased with it though.  

You see, I have accomplished something.  It just has nothing to do with my masters degree or student teaching... Hmm.

  

I am Sick

Booger. I don't get sick very often (other than the three months spent with that AWESOME morning sickness). So, when I do I kind of turn into this whiney mess of a person who can't quite comprehend what's going on.

How did I get sick? What is this aching feeling in my legs? Why on EARTH do my ears feel like bees live in there, and my throat like cavern of burning spikes? Damnit.

I can only attribute this to how long and exhausting my first week of student teaching was. I came home Monday night and took a two hour nap. A nap that, unfortunately, did not satiate my need for sleep. I didn't really sleep through the whole night until Thursday, so I was sort of discombobulated and confused any time I was not in the Jr. High. Somehow, my brain managed to keep my senses in fantastic shape whilst working, then I would come home and go utterly brainless.

Friday night Alex and I watched Princess Mononoke. What a great movie. Then I think we were both in bed and asleep before ten. Remember the days of staying up until 2 AM because, why not? What else is on TV? Now I'm so tired I fall asleep on the couch before nine o'clock rolls around.

So, I'm sure due to my exhausting week, I'm sick with what could turn into laryngitis. Which is what happens to my voice when I get this kind of sick. It's not really conducive to teaching, but I'm only observing this next week. I did teach four or so classes last week... and they do have a microphone ...

Booger. I hate being sick. Any other student teachers finding yourselves in the same predicament?

Ugh

I start my ten weeks of student teaching tomorrow. I won't actually start "teaching" for another two weeks or so, but I am so nervous about going in. I've never observed my new mentor, Mrs. G, so I guess I'm unsure of what to expect.

I know I should go to bed right now to wake up at 5:30 AM or so, but I don't think I can sleep. Booger. But, anyway, Jen tagged me a while back to "post the fourth picture in your fourth file."

Drum roll please, here it is: The two banana (or whatever) slugs we found in our tomato's last year. Little bastards.