Words

I was being a bad mother earlier and letting JG play with plastic bags she found on the shelves while crawling around.  She had pulled one of the plastic tab things off and I bent over and said "Let mommy have that."

And you want to know what she said?

"No."

(I took it from her anyway, the sooner she learns that what she says doesn't matter the better...  in regards to the long list of things I do not want to find in her diaper.)

She continued to play with the plastic bags and started choking/coughing (not on the plastic tab), I asked her if she was okay, and you want to know what she said?

"Yeah."

Alex can confirm that.

Holy crap.

Words.

She'll be ten months old on Sunday, and in addition to those two words we have heard her say, "Hi", "Dad" (though Alex claims she didn't - even though she looked right at him and said it), and maybe "Mama."  However, she hasn't really looked directly at me and said that, but when she's upset she will repeat it until I scoop her up.

She also tries words.  She'll look at the cats and a sound similar to but not quite like "kitty" comes out of her mouth.  Other maybes include "dog" and "Stella" and maybe "Delihla" (her grandparents dog).

On the unfortunate front she had a bloody diaper on Monday, most likely from something she ate, not something I ate.  In hopes of helping her colon heal I am going back on my strict no milk diet.  No more milky goodness for me.  But that's okay, and I'll explain more in my next post.

Fortunately (or not) the craving part of my brain demanded that I buy donuts on Sunday, so I bought a cake donut and a jelly donut and ate one in the parking lot and the other in my driveway.

In about five minutes.

Seriously.

So.  Good.

I just want one night where I know I will sleep a straight 8 hours, where I won't wake up to pee, or JG won't wake up and need me for something, or the dog won't wake up and need to go outside to pee, or the cone-head cat won't need to sleep next to me under the covers and cleaning himself.

I just want one night of uninterrupted sleep.

Just.  One.

It won't happen.  But I thought I would put it out into the chaos of the universe and see if it could happen.

Soon, maybe?











Hey, in three months I can eat all the doughnuts and ice cream I want.  So, if you see me in June sometime with powdered sugar and chocolate around my mouth, calmly remove yourself from the situation.  I can't promise anything about my behavior.

Let them eat cake!

Ladies and Gentleman, the joy of joys has occurred in my home today.

Wait for it.

I baked a friggin' cake.

Milk free.

Full of delicious.  Little tasty blueberries floating gaily through the fluffy sponge of vanilla goodness.  Covered in frosting.  So much happiness generated on my tongue in one sitting.

Seriously, folks, I am a cake person and it has been killing me to go without.  Chocolate is one thing, it gives me heartburn anyway, so I can forgo that without much of a problem.  But cake?  No.

No.  No. No.

The best part is that I found the mix at Albertson's.  I kept thinking I was going to have to go on some long journey full of adventure and intrigue to find a milk-free cake mix, since that is what the internet kept implying.  Stupid, sly internet, full of the $7 cake mixes that are "guaranteed allergen free" (meaning no eggs, milk, sometimes wheat or gluten).  Implying it's impossible to find elsewhere.

Lucky for me I was on the phone with Mindy (hey Min!) and decided to take the time to check every box of cake mix.  (Seriously, every box.)  And, lo and behold!  Duncan Heines is milk free.  The only allergen in it is "wheat."  I swear they know there are people like me, dying for cake and too damned lazy to make one myself.

(Side note:  I love baking.  Cookies.  Cakes.  Stuff.  But the thought of blaspheming... attempting to make a milk free cake on my own sounded fruitless and aggravating.  I'm an angry person anyway, but to go through the trouble of pouring ingredients in a bowl, mixing them together, and baking it only to have it come out tasting like vomit could send me over the edge... to giving up on cake.)

Cake!  Much deserved after a day when JG only wanted to nap an hour total.  I can't hold it against her though, she's teething or something.

Cake!  (currently digesting in my belly)

I am an Addict

Of FOOD.

We went to Carl's Jr. the other day and I got the new Teryaki Six Dollar Burger. Now, in years and months past I would eat about 3/4 of this behemoth and feel sick for an hour or so.

Not so anymore. I ate the whole thing, along with some of Alex's french fries, then I was hungry for more. Yes, I ate the Six Dollar Burger, and then thought of what else might fit into my gullet.

I think I drank grape juice when we got home...

Never in my life has eating to painful bloating felt so good. This is how I know it's an addiction. Also, I get really cranky if I haven't eaten in a while.

And I am fiercely protective of my food. I used to be a sharer, but now if someone looks at my plate sideways I practically growl and tell them to find their own food.

It's true, you can totally ask Alex.

I'm assuming I am like this because I am supposed to eat an extra 500 calories a day to nurse JGR. Now, since I've had to cut milk products entirely from my diet, I've had to be creative about extra calories... okay, creative for ME. Usually I am a cheese fiend, but having to cut that out has taken away one of the easiest ways to add extra calories, so I find myself adding fried eggs to things.

Like the roast beef sandwich I ate yesterday. It was delicious.

I've been drinking a lot of juice too, the 100% version though, not any of that "added suger" B.S. Seriously, why add sugar to an already sugary substance?

Back on point, we had barbeque pulled-pork sandwich's tonight and I ate two. With a glass of grape juice. I'm pretty full, but it feels like I could stuff something else in there.

I'm thinking I'll have a popsicle, or an apple. I would have ice-cream, but thanks to the offspring that's off menu.

Morgan is hilarious

My little brother-in-law is a pretty funny guy. To emphasize this let me share a video with you. Now, in this video a couple crabs are eating one of their brothers -- I know, awesome-- and at the very end Morgan says something. Turn the volume up! I tried to get it louder, but this was the best I could do. Laugh and be merry, yo.