Mother

Having two weeks off of school is a blessing (which is saying a lot, because I really hate using the word blessing).  I am taking the time to stop obsessing about my 8th graders and how much they hate me, relax about lesson plans (I really shouldn't), and spend time with my ever-learning 19-month-old.

Ah, my daughter.

I am a mother.  Have you caught on yet that it still creeps me out a little, me being a mother?

It does.

Today I have been thinking about how there are many types of mothers, even though society tends to focus on just two: the stay-at-home mom and the working mom.

I am so thankful (ugh, thankful) to be a working mom.  I have no idea what to do with JG when we're home and I'm pretty sure watching more than 3-4 hours of PBS kids is not healthy for her developing brain.  She even asks for Elmo, and I cringe every time.

Having the ability to go to work and to challenge myself personally is so necessary for me.  At home I commonly fall into the shame-spiral - as my friend MCB calls it - where I get stuck watching TV and procrastinating things I would like to do, but can't figure out how to get the friggen TV to turn off by itself and myself motivated.

I basically turn into a fat lump on the couch.  I have found myself watching JG playing and me feeling sorry for myself for not entertaining her like a good stay-at-home mom would.

I know it sounds strange, but I have a hard time leaving the house when I'm home for more than a few days.  I am prone to anxiety.  So, today, I wanted to leave, but had a really hard time justifying the reasons, or figuring out where to go.  The sad thing is that I know my reasoning is flawed, and I know that it's silly to have an anxiety attack about doing what I want to do, but I can't help it.

So, thank you Daycare for existing and doing a much better job at teaching JG songs and dances, colors and more.  I like being the person who cuddles with her, kisses her little face, and giving her whatever other affection she may need.  I miss her during the week, but she loves going to daycare and her teachers are awesome, and I love benefitting from their hard work.

You could say I am the type of working mother who would like to be a good SAHM, but just isn't.  I'm not sure I'm capable of handling it emotionally.  Which is why I will be enrolling JG in some dance classes this summer, so we can have something to look forward to and I can feel less like a failure.

Don't I just make you so excited to have your own?

Holy Mother

Having two weeks off from teaching is...
help me think of metaphors and simile's here...

a well deserved bath after having spent months neck-deep in skin irritating dirt and grime.

like finally getting to scratch that "hard to reach" spot

being able to breath deeply after escaping one of Maggie's nausea inducing farts

awesome.