Pass/Fail

Motherhood is all about passing and failing, either your parenting method works, or it doesn't.  This past week Alex and I have had to change some things around, especially since we were failing more than we were comfortable with.

So, how did we do?

First test:  JG's screaming fits.

You may remember reading about me pulling my hair out while JG threw fits, and me being entirely clueless as to what action to take.

So, Alex gets home Tuesday night and JG is still being a terror.  We both stare at her in frustration, and I let her scream while I make dinner and Alex deals with her.  While we're eating dinner, JG is just rambling along around us and Alex gives her a bit of curry off his fork.  She eats it, goes back to her thing, and then comes back for more.  And more, and more.

My child does not eat.  We have been wrestling with this for months, and her doctor emphasized that I should be feeding her more fatty foods, like butter (which she can't have because of the bloody poop it results in).  I have tried to feed her many things, and the majority of the time she simply refuses, which leads to her being more hungry and results in her being severely irritable.

Thus: screaming fits of hungry rage.

Until this breakthrough.  Surprisingly enough, as a one-year-old she is easily distracted and soon gets tired and irritated of sitting in her high chair.  Most of the food on her tray goes to the dogs.  However, if I allow her to go about her business and then take the opportunity to shove food in her mouth as she comes near me, SHE EATS!  And, she eat enough that I am flabbergasted and a bit humiliated that I didn't think of this before.

This is our new routine: I will carry some type of food with me, say hot cereal, and I will offer some to her as she plays and comes near me.  I refuse to chase after her with the food, she does have to wander back over to me to get some, but happily for me she returns to me at regular intervals and eventually eats enough to satisfy my need for her to be stuffed with food at all times (as is the drive in most mothers, commonly labeled as "food pushing").

This morning she ate a bunch of Cheerios, some pancake, and she drank some hypoallergenic formula (we are gradually starting the weaning process) and some Odwalla strawberry superfood.

I give us a PASS on this test, excuse me while I pat myself on the back.


Second test: SLEEP.

As mentioned above JG is easily distracted, and this crosses over to her nap and bed times.  Nursing her to sleep has turned into a process where I just get frustrated and want to lock her in the closet, and in the end she gets what she wants: she gets to stay up with us.

And I don't get the two hours I normally get to spend with my husband at night.

Since Alex didn't see the closet solution working out for us (and probably resulting in child welfare knocking at our door) he deemed it time to put the crib back together.  Because, as odd as it may sound to you, I was nursing her to sleep in her crib, and we had replaced one gate side with a guard rail.  It made it easier for me to get out... and, unfortunately, easier for her to get out as well.

So on Saturday we put JG to bed in her crib and let her cry for five minutes, check on her, and on for 45 minutes until she passed out in the sitting position.  Chin presses against her chest, body leaning forward, and legs sprawled in front of her.  Alex eased her back, calmed her down again, and she was out.

Success?  Time-wise, yes, it's been taking me two hours to get her to sleep, and most of that is spent trying to get her to lay down at all.  Nap time she cries for about 10 minutes, and bed time is more like 40, and listening to her cry feels like razor blades dancing in my skull... but I am relieved not have to fight with her to get her to fall asleep.

I mean, it's still sort of like fighting... but I feel like I'm more on the winning side.  The mean winning side, because it seems a bit unfair.  But, what in life is 100% fair?

Pass or fail?  I think it's a little of both.  I'm not a big fan of letting her cry herself to sleep, but her negotiating skills (yes, google it, toddlers negotiate like crazy) are getting to the point where I want her to know that when I say "bed time" I mean it.

I am, however, still sleeping her her room when she wakes up in the middle of the night.  Why?

When was the last time you woke up at two in the morning and had to comfort someone back to sleep and then go back to your own room and comfort yourself back to sleep?  It's just easier to comfort together.  Plus, this is a weaning process for both of us.  Sadly enough, I sleep better in her room than I do my own, but I am now going to bed in my own room first.

Small steps, man, small steps.