Life's Questions

I'm freaking out a little bit.  I have my last Westminster paper to write, a five page behemoth about my "personal journey and development as a teacher from the beginning to the end of the MAT program."  

Um, seriously?  Is it natural for my school to need to know so much about my feelings and such?  This is on top of the journaling and two other papers asking me to talk about how my view of culture has changed, and how I'm so much more of an open minded person now.

I actually talked to a fellow student who sounds like they hate more now.  Hate more now after a year of having our students "funds of knowledge" shoved down our throats.  Bah.

Anyway, this is the last paper I have to write and then I have to put a portfolio together, which isn't difficult since it's all stuff I've completed. 

The problem is... what then?  I don't have a job yet, so I get to worry about what I'll be doing next year.  Last year all the MAT students had jobs lined up, but with the economy the way it is it looks like my cohort will be waiting a bit longer.

Also, once I'm done with this stuff, what then?  I have two weeks until my due date with Brian, and my doctor said yesterday that it's entirely possible that I reach it.  What in god's name do I do for TWO WEEKS!  I have no job.  I am uncomfortable all of the time.  I am trying to sew, but my motivation wavers.

At least the house is clean.  I will try to keep that up.  My best friend Alicia visited over the weekend and Alex and I had to make the house presentable for her -- we had to eliminate many little cat hair tumbleweeds that had started to get aggressive.  

So, now, after today is over... what the hell do I do with my life?  I guess I just continue to gestate Brian?  I have crafty things to finish... I have a couple of chicken bodies that look like men's genitalia.  

Okay, I've got to write that paper now.  Go on with your life.  You're probably doing something so much more productive...

Huh

There are certain pains ones body experiences that are just not okay.  They are especially not okay to talk about in public.

But, oh man, what is with this?  

Along with that I have about a day to complete one of my last assignments for grad school... and I just don't really care any more.  I'm sort of on the verge of making s*** up.  And, yes, I should have had this completed days ago.  

But, I am 37 weeks pregnant and my brain no long works.  Or cares.  I hope it starts up enough again after Brian comes that I can actually function well enough to take care of a baby.

Huh...

tired

The last couple of days have really, sort of, sucked.  I guess I'm experiencing what could be a "false labor."  I feel like I've got menstrual cramps that keep radiating through my legs, belly, and back.  Oh, and my ass.  Everything is sore.  You know how your body feels when you've go the flu?  That's how mine feels right now.

I'm 37 weeks today, so maybe these will go away, or go on for another week, or Brian will arrive soon. 

I guess I should go take a Tylenol.  And a hot shower.  And eat a baked potato covered in cheese and sour cream.  And a coke.

Joy.

My brain...

I did it.  I wrote a research paper.  The final comes out to be 18 pages, but that's with the title page and references and such.  I would share it with you, in PDF or something, but I have no idea of how to link that here.  I'm not sure any of you would really want to read it anyway, but I thought I would offer.

My brain hurts.  And I'm not even done, I still have pieces of my "Question B" to work on.  Will I be finished in time for the deadline tomorrow?  Who knows.

But, let me share with you a moment of quail zen.

Curse of Procrastination

I have an extremely important research paper due on Monday, and a fairly large portfolio.  When did I wait to start writing the paper, even though I've known about it for... months?  

Thursday.

Admittedly, I have been researching.  I found twelve excellent resources that I will be using, and out of those resources I have eight pages of quotes that may or may not make their way into the final paper.  I also have two pages written, another 8-10 pages to go.  

I'm writing on teacher expectations and resistant students (students that range from doing nothing in your classroom to acting out and misbehaving).  Before beginning my research I didn't realize how these two inequalities are completely intertwined with each other.  How the teacher interacts with their students determines how the students behave, and vice versa.

What did I find was the best way to take care of both of these issues?  Teachers need to have high expectations of all of their students, regardless of race or dress or whatever, and that if you can form a healthy trusting community in your classroom you're likely to prod resistant students out of their shells.  

Mutual trust.  Who would have thought?

Anyway, I'm going to spend 4 or 5 hours at my library today trying to finish this paper so I can then give it to Alex's mother to read -- she's a professor at the University of Phoenix.  She will have no problems telling me if it is good or bad.  I need this, especially since the professors I will be handing the end product into are... picky?  

Mind you, they told us we can write this research paper in the "first person" and that they would love for it to be a "reflective piece."  After much deliberation, I'm ignoring these suggestions.  Either you want a research paper, which can be dull but full of facts, or you want me to reflect on my experiences -- which should not have to be written in APA format.  

So there.  

*Warning, breasts and babies will be discussed in the next paragraph*

Oh, one more thing.  I went to the Lactation Station last Thursday and it was WONDERFUL!  I was there for thirty minutes and left with everything I need to start breast feeding, including a book on how to breast feed (seeing as how I've never done it).  The woman who helped me was amazing.  She eyeballed my boobs and gave me some nursing bras to try on -- bras with extra space for now so that after Brian comes they will fit perfectly.  What size are the bra's?  34 F (or DDD).  

I know, I was quite impressed myself.  But the best part was having someone there who knew what she was talking about and was able to give me great advice.  I've been all over the valley trying to find nursing bras -- and nobody carries them.  Okay, except for "Motherhood" but they were flimsy and the sales staff irritated me.  AND the changing rooms are just curtains, which is apparently too tempting for the small children who infect the place and like to peek in to "see what's there."  

Anyway, I have bras that fit now, along with some needed extras.  *Thanks mom!*

Now I have to go eat a huge breakfast so I can spend hours at the library and not feel famished. 

Oh, and I have six weeks left until Brian's due date...  Holy sh**