Cat for sale!

Cat for sale! One diseased and pallid, neurotic and scaredy cat for sale!

Are you looking for an animal to hide when guests come over, to the point where they doubt his existence?

Would you like a cat who needs to visit the vet at least twice (if not more!) times a year for steroid shots? Why, Jesus even blessed him with some crazy kitty disease that allows some wart-like virus to attack his entire body! It's true folks, his foot swelled to FOUR TIMES the normal size and the hair fell out, making him look like he was dragging around some strange slimy red club with him! How delightful, who wouldn't want a cat with the ability to affect clubness/mutantness? And he won't stop licking it even though it won't heal if he continues?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask you how can you not see the value in befriending such an animal?

What's more, my friends open mouthed in the audience, who among you would shun this beautiful beast? He also has the ability to PUKE, that's right, puke, non-stop all over the house!

Couches? Covered! Carpets? Covered! Tabletops? Covered! Bedspread? Covered!

Blankets your child sleeps on? Covered!

Now, folks, it's not that bad, he has a simple allergy to cat food. Meaning, you may have to buy the $50 9 lb bag of rabbit and pea food (meaning it's made from rabbits, and peas), which this gorgeous grey and white animal still pukes up because he won't chew it.

And, one last thing, even though he's sick and wan, the expensive food is helping him feel better! Meaning he wants to be pet ALL THE TIME!

How can you deny such an animal!

Behold, the beast we have available for you to purchase today!

He'll even stay still long enough for your four-month-old to "pet" him. (Meaning she grabs clumps of his hair and pulls a little.) And even turns around so she can even pet the other side.

Wait... maybe I'll keep him.